Noises and fires

I sitting on my water bed island as I am every night about this time listening to them across the river do something that sounds a giant hammer hitting a metal spike. I say them because I don't know who it is and I am guessing maybe they are stacking cargo containers at the port. I seems really loud at almost midnight.

Because it is winter and the trees are bare the volume of the river noises seem turned up. The first year I was here I tried to sleep on the enclosed porch, which is now my studio, but it was so loud with all the windows I didn't last. I now sleep in the windowless cave of my bedroom and actually like it.

I am babbling which matches my current disposition. A lot of things swirling around and doubts and fears creeping up on me. It is awkward at work and my partner and I are still adjusting to the sudden retreat of the owner. It occurred to me today it is like getting dumped. The dumper has been thinking about it a long time and then springs it on you and then you are suppose to just be alright with it. They feel better because they are in the action mode and you feel worse because you are in the awareness mode. This is a familiar role for me but this time it doesn't feel personal.

When I got there this morning the owner was all chipper reading the paper and drinking coffee. Meanwhile am still sorting things out and making a plan to solve the mess he has made. My partner is on over load and didn't even come in this morning. Her pendulum is swinging back and forth pretty rapidly these days. I was calm today until she called me and I jumped on her crazy train and have been riding like the wind ever since.

I am over it now and I just like when you get dumped you just got to move on. It takes some adjustment and everyone has their own process for getting through it. My partner will move back to center pretty quick because she is smart and be both have a lot to lose if we can't work this out.

I just have to remember to not go to the crazy place just because someone does. It is hard when someone yells fire not to just start running.