Relationships - It can get messy

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My friend is leaving today and going back home to her husband.  They left on not so great terms. He is very emotional and she is very controlled emotionally. He tries to provoke her into professing her love by having emotional out bursts and saying that she doesn't love him. This of course locks her emotions down even further.

I was in my counseling mode this morning before I left for work. I was trying to tell her not to make any final decisions right now about the relationship. She has just lost her father and this week has been full of emotional  family issues of the past. He is feeling left out and feels she doesn't need him.

I realized on my way to work this morning that I was pretty upset about the finality of her words. Why? I realized that it reminded me of all the relationships I have been in that ended. They were the same in that decisions about the relationship were made without my input. I was told " I love someone else and this relationship is over."  I was shut down along with my emotions. I was left to deal with the fall out along.

I was feeling for her husband today. He has been home all week and they have not talked and now she is coming home.  He has been alone with this all week while she has been here with a non stop schedule.  She told him she would get a cab home.

I know no matter what I say her mind is made up. It feels like a total lack of compassion for what another person is feeling. Relationships are messy and in my experience both people are rarely in the same place emotionally at the the same time. It takes commitment to work through things and even some times that isn't enough.

We all see the people in our lives the way we want to see them not necessarily the way they really are so everyone should be who they want to be and let the chips fall where they may. It isn't fair to have your feelings dismissed but that is part of they way some people deal with emotions.

For me every relationship has been more mature than the last and I don't feel the need to assign blame anymore. I hope my next relationship will be with someone willing to talk things through before they decide it is over.