Growing - A Flower Bed

I am not sure what I will write about tonight I am spent for the week with one day left to go.  I guess I can tell you that I have found a little project to get excited about I am planting a big flower bed in my front yard.  The grass is half dead and the price was too steep for me to plant new grass.  For a third of the cost I am going to have a spectacular show of something.

I am waking up just like mother nature I can feel it.   I am starting to live life not just tolerate it.  It feels really weird to just do normal things like work and complain about my co-workers just like everyone else does.  I can then come home at the end of the day and put my feet up.  I can even plant a flower bed in my front yard.

Your not really sure just how crazy you are until your not anymore.  That is how it has worked for me. I wasn't making it at all and then barely getting through and then a leveling off occurred that turned into tolerance.  I was tolerating life and feeling guilty the whole time.  I felt like life was wasted on me but I just kept going. Who feels like that? Your suppose to have a zest for life.

I haven't quite made it to zest yet and I hope that who ever is in charge isn't planning to take me out soon because of my lack of enthusiasm for this world I guess I will have to wait and see.

I am just happy to get further and further away from where I was and if it takes a flower bed to inspire me then I am happy to do some digging for real instead of emotionally or spiritually.

I am waking up and missing my old life when I had someone to come home to and a family even if it wasn't really mine. I was good a loving and nurturing and making the world run smoothly for other people but without an audience my talents seem to have faded away. Can I do this for just me?

Maybe.

I feel well today and ready to begin again.  Today it doesn't matter that I am alone I feel good and ready to start planting something new.  Maybe I can make my life into some kind of flower bed.