Don't take anything personally - Family

It feels like I always begin my post with I have had a lot going on and it is always true.  Since my break over the holidays I have been working to try to balance my work and free time a little better but the universe has answered the challenge by amping up the volume at work.

This is never something I will complain about since I work 100 % commission - not something I recommend to the faint at heart.  In the red then in the black you can't take it personally and you can't let the anxiety show through to your customers.  I have been doing it so long I mostly remain unattached to the outcome of any transaction until they are signed.  This keeps my stress levels down.

In the book The Four Agreements one agreement is "don't take anything personally" - if you can do this you can really find happiness but it is really difficult.  It is especially hard because when we are stressed we are always looking for someone to blame.  If you are analytical like me you can really get stuck. I would always look for a solution to make sure next time the outcome would be different. 

This is a trick of the mind and feeds our controlling nature.  It also feeds our ego who wants to believe the world really does revolve around us at all times.  Even thoughts like "it is my fault" sounds very humble but really that just means you have given yourself a lot of power over the situation and you believe it is about you.

I went to visit my family two weekends ago taking my new happy self to celebrate the 1 year birthday of my great nephew.  I haven't seen him ever and when I got a last minute invite I scrambled around to make it work.  It rained and it was cold and everyone was stressed.  Not really that different than anytime I have visited before but I thought since I was different somehow they would be different.

We are a family of survivors wading through one problem after another.  Joy and happiness wasn't really a part of our upbringing and wasn't passed down generation to generation.  You love Jesus because he gets you through the tragedies of life so you can go on to a better place.  I do remember some happy times squeezed between chores and church and sometimes mixed with church in the form of after service homemade ice cream social.

When I visit I have learned when it is time to go and left a day early.  Ironically the sun was shining for the first time but I wanted a day at home to recover before going back to work.  It did take me four days to return to happiness and understand we are products of our upbringing. The survival spirit is deeply grooved in our childs mind and we don't really know any different.

I think this was why I always attracted the fun people in the room mostly those drinking too much.  They seemed happy but it was really the spirits that made them temporarily happy.  Those liquid spirits never worked for me they just made me sad.  While writing rccently about my childhood I realized I was a happy child.  I lived in my own world and managed around my family and used my great imagination to create a world I could live in anytime I wanted.

What does any of this have to do with "The Four Agreements" and "don't take anything personally" well for me it helps me to understand that everyone is experiencing life in their own way and it really isn't about you.  It is the timing and that timing is rarely right when it involves a lot of different people. Try to find what works for you and stick with it.

My nephew and his wife are super stressed about being new parents.  What is new about that? The rain and cold will go away eventually. My sister has lived in survival mode just like me since our mother died.  She doesn't know anything else but with a grandchild she wants things to be different and is making changes to feel more free.  I know she feels strange but she really wants to make the change.

My point is everyone is in a different place emotionally all the time.  It is a miracle we ever sinc up with anyone so relax and just be there in the moment and get out when you can't take anymore.

I have read a million books about life and finding answers -  The Four Agreements was one of the first and it really says it all.  Not taking things personally has changed my life and the expectations I have for others.  We have to know we have no control over where we are or other people and sometimes with relatioships you have to just accept what is and move on.