Odd - Slump - Better than normal

I was in a slump for about a week.  I did something that I haven't done in more than five years and it may have triggered the emotions.  I got a massage.  I know it sounds decadent but in reality it is really good for your body and your mind especially if you don't have regular physical touch by another person or even a furry pet.

Apparently is raises your own feel good oxytocin hormone. The added benefit is that most pain we feel in our joints is really in our muscles surrounding our joints.  It can be intense the first time plus the next day you feel strange mostly from getting your muscles put back where they belong.  You also release toxins built up in the muscle.  If you drink a lot water afterward and for a few days you can avoid these feelings. This is therapeutic massage not the kind of massage you get on vacation.

How does this relate to being in a slump?  First I got the woman's name from my first and only
sponsor in the program.  When I started going to meetings again a few years ago she texted me this woman's name.  I eventually stopped going to that meeting because I wasn't feeling better and I think I secretly wanted to reconnect with her.  We didn't reconnect and she hardly said hello to me.

I don't think it was personal she is just busy doing a million things and I wasn't on her radar.  I have to admit since I went through the darkness and back into the light I can't be the person I was before.  I don't feel like I really belong anymore.  I had an awakening and there is no going back. 

I have been listening to Eckhart Tolle recently and I feel my own beliefs align with his teachings.  The peace I feel until my ego decides it is unhappy with how things are and that I am to blame for it.
Mostly I feel alone and happy but sometimes the voice in my head says "look what you have done - you have no one".  On good days I know that isn't true on the bad days I list all the people that are not in my life anymore.  Worse I know some of them I could call and we could see each other but the person they knew doesn't live here anymore.

I am odd and I know I am odd but I love and accept myself the way I haven't before.  I wish I could find other people like me but I am not sure where to go.  Today I am content to work in my yard and finish re-upholstering my grandmothers chair. 

One tip the massage therapist gave was that you should periodically change side of the bed.  She said couple don't do this enough and end up with serious mis - alignments in the their hips and backs.  I never thought of that before.