Energy - Zombies and lessons to learn

I am exhausted today my first six day week since before the holidays.  It has been nice to have time to contemplate my life a little and do some work on my physical space as well as my mental space. That time has certainly come to an end.

This happens every year around this time other people are out there are also contemplating on changing there own lives or at least there own physical spaces.  It is a good thing for the most part and like it or not I will slowly rise to the occasion.  My coworkers and I all looked like zombies at the end of the day yesterday.

On the mental front my thoughts go back to to "is this all there is?" I have got to do something different if I expect my life to change in any significant way. I feel like I am living on an island alone and visiting the main land only during the work week. I fills my time but is that enough?

I only have today to ponder such serious thoughts because I will be back to work tomorrow. I am going to focus on getting some food in the house today.  My commitment to eat more healthy slipped out the door with the long hours I have been working. I have been stretching my restaurant meals into breakfast, lunch and dinner. A little weird but better than nothing or at least better than fast food.

We have a new person at the office that is stirring things up quite a bit. Their personality is familiar to me coming in like a tornado to have their needs met doing all the talking and leaving everyone with less energy when they leave the room.  They are nice enough but if I plan on getting any work done at the office I will have steer clear as much as I can.  Luckily they are on the other team and that will not be too difficult.

Their energy is weird and a little disturbing to me and I feel ruffled by it. When someone fills the room when they enter and no one else exist.  This feeling is from my past being run over by my husband never actually being able to speak or being listened to ever.

This person wanted to know why everyone didn't seem to warm to them. "Everybody usually likes me" I said "perhaps giving everyone time and reaching out to them would help"  I was told they did not need a lecture that they weren't going to change and that everyone would have to get use to it.

This is where all the work I have done in the program and personally pays off. It is none of my business and I am not responsible for anyone else.  I don't need to be any one's saviour anymore.  I was drawn in for a few minutes the scene seemed so familiar an old pattern of talking someone from the ledge.  Nobody ask me and so I am happy to detach and go on my merry way.

How refreshing that feels to not get caught up in all the drama. It is tempting but I can resist and let things play out without my interference. Everyone has lessons that they have to figure out for themselves and it is none of my business.

I plan on enjoying my one day by taking care of myself by working on my own space and making some yummy food.

Snowman Pens and getting on with life

Here we are with the holiday right upon us it never feels quite real to me. I think because the weather doesn't change too much here and because I lost my sentiment for all of it when I found away to be happy most of the time instead of picking just a few days out the year and squeezing all the happiness out of them that I could.

My co-worker bought us all snowman pens and then went around chastising those of us not using them. I use to be like that. Today she described reindeer cupcakes for next week. The rest of the time she is very unhappy and sees life as out to get her and life fulfills her request daily.

I have settled into my new job quite nicely and business is booming. The fear I had of never getting my mojo back has disappeared. With my confidence back I am selling at top speed. I really love what I do and I actually love my customers most of time.

I will admit as an introverted salesperson I do have to space out my appointments or take a nap between them. I learned that I feel the energy of the people around me that's what makes me good at what I do but it also makes me want to make them happy no matter what the cost.

This is a habit from living in a home of dysfunction. When I am at my best I step back and stay out of their drama and there is a lot of drama in design. The choices the money the mess it brings out the worst and best qualities. Everyone is happy to start with and then the thrill wears off and in the end  they feel like they are the only ones experiencing problems with their project.

When it is over usually a few weeks after completion they couldn't be happier. The have the kitchen of their dreams and we have moved on. New customers new dream kitchens.

Where I work now there is a steady flow of new customers which I like. Repeat customers are good but sometimes you know too much about them and what you are up against. I guess I deal better with the unknown than the known these days.

It is good to be out of survival mode. I am have been surprised by the energy I have without the fear dragging me down. Happy to be free and just getting things done.