I have been reading about the idea of each of us having our own story. A story that we have created by own perception of the circumstances of our lives. The ideas that we came up with on our own and some that were handed to us.
The book was written by the author of The Four Agreements. A very life changing book for me. I will have to leave that for another time.
This idea that it is our own minds that hurt us. That it is the reliving of the past in our own minds that keeps the pain alive. I think I finally understand this for myself. Could it really be that simple?
It made me think how in the morning we wake up and are free to begin again or we go over to the closet and put our old labels on. Our heavy coats covered with the labels we have given ourselves. The labels related to not being enough for ourselves or others. Everybody living within their own story.
Can I give up the novel that I have written about my life good and bad? Is it possible to live without the constant dialogue. The commentary or is it too scary to see how the words in my head are just that words in my head.
Can I go back to childhood before I knew too much to be happy.
Believing my own story is the constant battle in my recovery. When I take my resentment as "truth" then I feel either a victim or I carry justified anger. Either one not conducive for my continuing sobriety.
ReplyDeleteThere was a time, when I was in treatment, when the group I was sharing in challenged the "ground of my being." It was me against the 15 of them. I knew my story, they told me it was wrong, that the structure that supported the story was flawed, that I should look again and be willing to change. It was so painful and so freeing.
The idea that our lives are stories in one of my favourite topics. Literary theory is full of stuff that challenges how a listener/reader/writer/teller comes to authenticity.
Thanks for sharing on this big topic.
I am not fearing the labeling of myself from my past. It is a relief. Accepting myself good and bad has been helpful. I also don't like to label others.
ReplyDelete