In the weeds

Artwork by DanaFrostick.com

I am writing right now in hopes that it will help me get settled. Things are all over the place and I really in the weeds. I first heard the term when I was in the restaurant business in the 80's. It means when you just can't keep up with the volume of orders coming in.

One of my first jobs was at a golf and country club. I had the breakfast and lunch shift and started work at 7 AM. We were all in our twenties and would stay out all night and come to work still half lit. The room held about 20 tables and within 20 minutes the whole place would fill up.

Breakfast is hard on a waitress (server). What kind of juice? What kind of toast? What kind of meat? How do you want your eggs? Decaf or regular? Hash browns or grits? I remember one time a man ask me three times for ketchup and that night I woke up from a sound sleep and thought, he never got his ketchup.

My roommate worked with me and in the middle of the rush she would sneak off and sleep in the women's locker room. This made me furious and it sent me over the edge when customers ask me if she could wait on them instead of me. One time I told them they could go wake her up that she was in the locker room. It only bothered me.

I have always been an over-achiever in my work life. Self-sacrifice is in my dna and I always loathed people that got away with doing as little as possible. You know the type always leaving early and still being loved by everyone. Flying by the seat of their pants and having so many adoring fans to cheer them on.

If your in Al anon your are probably not one of those people. I know it is just a generalization but this is my post and I can do what I want. The hard working Al-anon has their nose to grind stone and longs to be one of those care free fun loving folks with the cheering crowds. More generalizations.

Since I can't that person I now settle for being near that person. I find that is better to have them as friends than as lovers. One is amusing the other can drain the life out of you and leave you with an empty bank account. I use to worry about how they would make it but I have learned some adoring fan is waiting to help them out. I am glad it doesn't have to be me anymore.

So now I try to have fun myself instead of living through someone else. I can do it, really! Ok, it is still work for me to have fun but I can do it sometimes. I have realized that I am not an extravert or a thrill seekers and I don't really like loud parties.

I like to do things and learn things while I am doing it. I like movies and shows that make me laugh or make me think about the big picture in life. I live in my head and it can be very fun sometimes and more like a horror flick at other times. This is who I am and I don't feel guilty about that anymore.

I have also realized that I like to work. I like to accomplish things and it feels good to see a finished product. I love what I do even if right now I am in the weeds.