I have off line for awhile and today is the first day I am collecting my thoughts and feelings to write. Many things have beeb happening here My friend went to the emergency with bowel pains and almost three weeks later finally emerged from the hospital disease free but 25 pounds lighter.
He doesn't have any family here so I stepped in until the immediate crisis was over about two weeks. I was happy to do it until I started getting the impression that there wasn't an interest in participating in doing what was required to get out. A retreat on his part and this made me feel alone and helpless.
I decided that because I was the sole support that he didn't feel like had to really engage in what was happening. I felt I needed help and called his brother to come. Luckily he is a contractor and slow right now and he was able to come quickly. I called for back up with friends locally which I thought was healthy for me since I usually handle things on my own.
All of this has put a distance between us redefining our relationship. We have be friends for over 25 years now. It is a comfortable relationship but not intimate emotionally for the most part. We are similar in our spiritual beliefs and our time together is spent eating and talking about our daily lives.
I accepted a long time ago that this is the way we would be it is similar to many other relationships I have had. Starting with my Dad and my two long term ex's. Like our relationship indifferent to the fact that I have emotions and feelings. That just because I am extremely capable doesn't mean that I don't have needs or wouldn't like be thanked or feel appreciated every once in awhile. It is rarely that anyone ask me how I am doing and it seems I attract the kinds of relationship that don't acknowledge me.
I can admit that I don't exude neediness in anyway and I have learned to be fully self supporting declining outside contributions. My mother died when I was young and I learned that you are on your own so you just better get use to it. I don't attached too easily and since my last relationship I haven't gotten attached at all even to an animal.
I have taken care of a lot people in my life. In my personal life and even in my jobs mostly in the background making everything runs smoothly. Making sure everyone was getting there needs met. I was exhausted all the time for really decades. I am not that person anymore. I won't let bad things happen but I also won't give my life away to manage someone else.
With my friend we had a conversation in the hospital that sounded like dependency. Like we were going to do this together. I knew at that moment that I wasn't willing to be the sole support. This is when I felt I needed to call for help and back away. With in days of having other people evolved his spirits were better and he started to actually wanted to get out of the hospital.
His brother left this week and emotionally and physically he is on his own. I made some food and will see him today. Other friends locally have be visiting so he is not alone.
The truth is no one can go through these things with you. When I was sad only a few people were even willing to spend time with me. Healing takes time and people ultimately go back to their own lives. It is the nature of any crisis. We are left alone to accept what has happened.
He will be healthy again if he keeps eating. He does not have a disease and the only therapy he needs is eating which most people would be happy to do. I know he has had a shock and it will time for him to come back if that is what he wants. I love him and will not let him go hungry but I cannot make him want to get better.
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