No one to blame - Not even me - Work versus play - flow

There has been a slight lull in the action on the work front so I am taking the opportunity to reflect on the overall state of my life.  I spent a few hours of my work day this week purging the millions of files that represent both real customers and those just wanting the numbers. I use to take this personally especially if I have a connection with someone I really want to do the job. 

I have reached the five year mark at my place of business and have matured considerably since I have been there.  I have to say the I don't get too attached to people or the prospect of a particular job.  I realize that people have there own agenda and are working through the process themselves.  What they dream of having and what they are willing to pay for that dream.

I believe that I get the jobs I am suppose to get.  I look at life through spiritual eyes and know that it is all working towards something.  Okay that sounds good but it isn't really true.  I really believe that life is random and you just have to stay in the flow of things with the least resistance possible.

When I am pushing or wanting a particular outcome and it just isn't working I need to step back and ask myself "why is this so important to you? - Is it life or death? - Is the outcome more about satisfying your ego's need to get something?"  I think that most of the time I am trying to keep up the reputation I have given myself.  What would a hard worker do or a kind person do? Maintaining an image I have of myself.

This isn't something you do consciously it is more a way to label yourself better than the average person.  A higher standard for yourself and it also gives you the opportunity to judge other people for not being at the same level.  I use to be so indignant about the actions of others and felt because I worked so hard and others decided to spend there time having fun that somehow my choice was better. Do I really know that?  I am a person that likes work more than I like play.

The reality is that it is just a choice.  Life is just choices we make everyday that sometimes work and sometimes don't.  We can't do anything about the random events of life we can just decide what our choice will be each moment with every situation. 

At work I have the reputation of having more high maintenance customers.  I have great customers for the most part but that doesn't mean they don't challenge me sometimes but I know it isn't personal.  Their lives have made them who they are and I am just working with them temporarily.  They don't know how they are perceived none of us do.  It isn't my place to change them.

We are all trapped in our own description of ourselves.  Our mind is always working to maintain who we believe we are everyday.  I fill lucky that I have been given the opportunity to question the reality of the thoughts I have about myself and know the thoughts aren't real just thoughts.

This helps me to know I don't have to be so serious about everything.  I don't have to have someone to blame if something isn't going the way I wanted it to.  I can just work on what is on my plate for today and be kind to others as they figure things out for themselves.

Most people go through life unconscious thinking that they are a victim of their circumstances. This is just who they are and nothing can be done about it.  I used to think like that and sometimes wish I could be that girl before I took the bite of apple.  But once you see you can't unsee - once you know you can't unknow.  It is scary to have no one to blame not even yourself.

People are suffering and dealing with the life they have been given. Working through the good surprises and the bad surprises life is always dishing out.  It would be nice if we could control this but believing we can is exhausting and devastating when something bad happens.  Staying in the flow without saying "why me?" can avoid a lot pain. Knowing it isn't any one's fault it is just life is freedom.