Step 1 - Denial to Acceptance - Life goes on

I have been back to a more normal schedule this week with customer appointments and spending more time in the office than at home.  Just when I was starting to get use the working at home and getting things done around the house.  I am grateful to have some business right now.  Life does go on no matter what.

I visited our grocery store midday yesterday thinking that it would be less crowded.  I only go once every few weeks when I am running low on salad.  It was pretty peaceful there and not too crowded. One of my customers said he had gone to the store one morning and check out took 90 minutes.  I thought I would have to be really desperate to wait 90 minutes. 

He told me that both he and his wife are psychologist working for a hospital supporting patients facing medical crisis.  The hospital is taking steps now to reduce the staff since the hospital is mostly empty. I don't think people realize just how this will touch everybody.  I left there feeling a little disheartened.

After going to the grocery store and having a pretty calm experience I felt a little better.  They had one way arrows on the isles and a tape box to stand a the register with lines on how far apart to stand.  I ask an employee where the sauerkraut was and he took me the wrong way and a man glared at me pointing to the arrow.  I explained that I was following the employee.

Some people had mask and gloves and other people did not. While waiting for a woman in produce with no gloves  I watched while she picked up and put back a half dozen plastic boxes of already diced vegetable. I thought about why some people conform and some don't.  Maybe she doesn't have access to gloves or a mask right now.  Maybe she thinks this isn't real.  This is what one of my co-workers to me yesterday. I said "I am sure those people that have died would disagree with you".

I am sure those taunting "fake news" will continue to do so especially since the death toll will not be as bad as originally thought because the country has been shut down. Let's face it in the world of economics money always trumps people.  We have always had to force corporations to protect their employees and this always cost them money. Is it good business or greed it is hard to say. Remember history when during the industrial revolution children worked in the factories and in some countries they still do. People were just trying to survive and this is how they did it back then. Kid were a commodity to work on farms or to work in factories.

This happens because people need to feed their families and if that means going to work sick then that is what you do especially if there is an abundance of workers and a shortage of jobs.  The people in the Smithfield pork factory went to work sick because they don't want to be seen as less interested in working than the person next to them. Work while you can because the future is uncertain at this point.

I am still optimistic at this point even if it doesn't sound like it.  The other thing I read that if anyone took one of the government bridge loans they have to put people back to work by I think June 1 to get those funds.  Also we are adaptable even if we are forced into it. We are creative in this country and will figure out how to move on in every part of life.

The more adaptable you are the less this will feel like a punishment. We don't know what the future holds but if it makes people feel better I am going to wear a mask and gloves when I am in the public. Pretending that this isn't happening doesn't stop the virus and it feeds denial.

I know the power of denial when I lived with alcoholism I just couldn't bring myself to believe it.  Even after he was gone I still stayed in denial about my own behavior. How my own coping mechanisms had kept me from seeing the truth about my life.

We bury our heads in the sand because the reality of the situation is more than we can handle at that moment. It was a gradual process for me back then and it saved me from feeling the full brunt of what was happening to me all at one time. I eventually through the 12 steps was able to see the truth little by little.  Everyone has their on speed for this and can really dig in when they are not ready to accept the new reality. It all starts with that first step.