I am still working on my many projects at home and even creating more work for myself at every turn. I did go to the office yesterday to turn in an order for a job. No one there and the receptionist said I was the first person to come through the doors at 11 AM.
Yesterday while at work I did have two calls one from an old customer and one from a customer wanting to start their project in June as scheduled. This is encouraging and gave me hope that I will have work when this is over. The other call was from one of my customers that I did a new kitchen for in 2017.
During the remodel his wife was diagnosed with MS and now they need to convert their master bathroom to be more accessible. I remember when I first met him how he was very assertive and was use to making every decision without anyone's input. We butted heads on a number of things and I finally convinced him to trust me. In the end they were very happy with the kitchen.
Life can really suck. Just when you think you have things figured out then "BAM" something just knocks you off your feet. I wondered how much their life has changed since I last saw them and how they are managing with this illness. I will find out on Monday when I see them.
It is good we don't know the future or we would never get up in the morning. We can only work on a day by day basis and hope that we have the courage to just deal with what comes our way. I remember one year at our annual office Christmas luncheon I looked around the table and thought "I wonder who won't be at the table next year" it turned out to be me. I was let go and in school the following Christmas. You just never know.
What I know now that I haven't known most of my life is that "it isn't personal". I thought that I caused every bad thing that happened to me. God was punishing me because I was a bad person. I thought if I wasn't who I was that the outcome would have been different. This idea kept me stuck is my own mind and in my own prison of asking myself "why did this happen to me".
It doesn't help that we live in a society that lives for "The Secret" or even the church of my childhood saying only bad things happen to bad people. Sinners are being punished for their sins. When my mother died it was a shock to me because she was so good. Then the story changed to God needed her in heaven. My views on suffering have been centered around thinking everything is my fault.
The Bible says "rain falls on the just and the unjust" my words anyway. I always thought I could analyze every bad thing that happened to me and prevent it from happening to me again. The trouble with that is that the next bad thing that happened wasn't what I was preparing for in the first place.
I have wasted my life with this kind of thinking. I don't think Pandemic was on my list of things to prepare for but here we are shutdown and dealing with it. Today I am just putting the future aside since I can't do anything else at the moment and working on my to do list.
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