Left Behind

I met a woman yesterday that told me her husband left her after 35 years of marriage. She said her friends want her to just get over it.  She actually lives in my old neighborhood and I shared that I also had been left and that it takes a long time to get over idea of what you thought your life was going to look like.  He left her for another woman how shocking.

I have a lot to say about this topic.  I use to think that this was just bad people doing bad things or selfish people who really can't keep their promises.  Now I think that it is a lack of maturity and most people are looking for someone to fill the giant space inside we all carry.

Sadly the space is permanent and nothing or no one can fill that long term. Happy mature people know this and find ways to fill this space inside their promises. They see that being bored and feeling trapped is part of every one's life from time to time and you just have to find a way through it. 

In the middle years where chaos reigns and your just getting through the day you don't have time to think about your personal happiness. When the kids are older or for me when I found some success in my career it gives you a chance to look at where you are and the emptiness can surface. In our society of happily ever after we think out mate should be what makes us happy.

In my last relationship I could see this happening and I knew from experience that there was nothing I could do about it. I tried on several occasions to have the talk but I was dismissed. This was just like my first marriage avoid having grown up conversations about what wasn't working.  I just stayed busy until the solution of another woman solved everything.

It is the perfect solution for one person.  You can tell yourself you just made a mistake and you can start over an believe that you will never end up where you are now again. The boredom is certainly gone for at least a few years while you merge your life with someone else work out through all those issues.  No time to slow down and think.

I think the emptiness is always there and has to be filled by a lot of things.  I think for myself and the brain I was born with it needs a lot different  things to keep me from feeling bored and empty. I liked being in a relationship because it made me feel secure enough to pursue other interest.  It made me feel anchored and safe to just live.

I have been alone along time now and I have had to reached a point where I can be happy with who I am and know that sometimes I am going to be bored and restless.  I know that a relationship would not solve this for me and even if it did it would only be temporary.

I felt bad the that women whose husband left her and really understand what that feels like.  It is the  death of the dream that keeps us in grief so long.  We imagine our lives being a certain way and then we have to adapt to the new dream. If feels so overwhelming at first but eventually we see the dream was mostly in our minds and not our day to day reality.

Resting between creative ideas

Living alone and being single definitely has its advantages. I didn't expect to end up alone for this many years and now that my life returned to normal I have a lot of time on my hands. I have to admit that I get bored and that this thought "I'm bored" really stresses me out and makes me feel guilty.

I came from a family where you had to be productive. If you weren't accomplishing something then you were lazy. You should be at the very least be reading a book preferably the Bible. This isn't a bad way to raise kids and has given my sister and I a great advantage in the business world with a work ethic that is hard to beat.

This weekend I felt so guilty just wanting to lay around and do nothing. It is my right as an adult to do what I want when I want. Right? Sometimes I just don't want to do anything but my mind says this isn't normal and maybe I am depressed. That brings on another slew of thoughts that lead to no where you would want to go.

I thought about this fear of the word bored and decided to redefine boredom as "resting between creative ideas" This actually makes me feel better about my down times.

I really do need these times of doing nothing and being with no one and not accomplishing a thing. It makes the rest of my life more energized and actually more productive. It is stillness. It is rest.

When I got to the office yesterday morning it was like a slow awakening. I was able to look at my work with fresh eyes because I literally had fresh eyes from all that extra sleep.

So I will never be ______  again I will just be resting between creative ideas.