I took two full days off in a row. I made myself unavailable only missed one crisis and that I have resolved already today. I feel better physically and spiritually.
Yesterday I chose to stay in the house because I have a guy tiling my upstairs bathroom. I am replacing the vanity and the floor. I decided to splurge and get this done because I want to get a roommate. The bathroom was carpeted. Yuck.
This is a daunting thought,getting a roommate, because I am an introvert but we will have to see what happens and who shows up. I think I can handle the right person. We shall see.
I painted two pictures of frogs yesterday for my neighbors kids. I have one to go. They are really colorful and funny. They will love it and I promise to post them before I give them away.
After my second trip to Lowes yesterday I decided to head to the movies. It was around 5:00 and I had no idea what was showing. I got a ticket for J Edgar and on my way to the theater I saw that Midnight in Paris was showing. I decided to change my mind. I had the theater to myself a private viewing and it was fabulous.
It was a great thought provoking movie. He is unsatisfied with his current life and has the opportunity to visit what he thinks would be the perfect time period to live in. Life is never completely satisfying no matter what time period you live in.
This was the weekend theme a clear message for me I got this several times. No matter who you are it is human nature to get stuck in a rut. I realize now when I am in crisis mode I don't have time to become dissatisfied I am just trying to stay a float.
What to do when there is no crisis to attend to. I think I try to create one not consciously but un-consciously. Maybe something small to give me some sense of urgency. I was thinking this might be more prevalent in creative people.
Since I have realized I have spent most my life thinking like a child. Waiting for other people to magically care about what I care about, which is always me. I want to do something different with the rest of my life. I don't want to stay in this waiting and wanting place forever. Constantly looking for answers. I need to find what gives me joy.
My spiritual search and program led me to peace but I want more. I want joy. I don't want to just be grateful that nothing bad is happening. It is good, after a crisis passes, to rest and restore but I don't want to fill that space with another crisis or bad relationship. I want to fill it with something I want, so I better find something quick.
First step, I joined a meetup group for artists and went to my first event Saturday. We turned trash to treasures. I turned an old lampshade into a cool new lampshade. It was joyful and lots of laughter and we were all playing. It was spiritual but in a way that didn't require any thought on my part whatsoever. Yeah!
Can I be mature and accept that life is just life and it will never measure up to the imaginary life in my head? Can I be mature and look for ways to keep things interesting for myself? Can I see that creating a crisis is just a way of entertaining myself and ultimately hurts me?
Feeling free and looking forward to finding joy after peace.
Picture from skiprade.com
Good questions--if I check my motives, I steer clear of those murky waters of expectations and self-pity. Joining that group of artists sounds wonderful. So glad that you are following a passion. And the frogs sound great--reminds me of three frogs sitting on a log!
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