It is hard to for me to sometimes live my beliefs. To not live a totally ego driven life where I make everything personal. I try to live a life where I see others through the eyes of love.I want to make decisions based on what is best for me and not in reaction to someone else. It makes me seem naive to a lot of people but so far God has led me down the right path and ultimately out of harms way.
The world makes the idea that everything is exactly as it should be seem pretty ridiculous. We live our entire lives preparing for possible harm. We brace ourselves for whatever outcome we can imagine and hope at the same time it won't happen. This causes a lot of anxiety.
I am tired today with a lot of decision making going on in my head. During the night I could feel my own anxiety bubbling up in my chest. No way around it change is coming like a storm in a distance. I have always liked rain storms especially the peaceful and quiet time when you can here the rumbling moving closer it is kind of magical.
I have to remember God's timing is always perfect.
I still want to know in advance just how things will work out but there is no faith in that. I have to trust that things will work out and probably in a way that I haven't thought of.
All will be revealed. I am terrified.
Yes, living my life with no expectations, just giving unconditional love & kindness to others elicits some sideways looks from people that know me. I am looked at as naive, especially when I give to the person I love who is alcoholic. I have suffered these past 3 years, but grown so much spiritually. It is so freeing not to take things personally anymore. Storms will come, and they can be exhilarating facing them with faith and a right attitude. Thanks foe your post.
ReplyDeleteI have problems with huge changes which largely stems from my fear of abandonment. Yet, I realize that nothing changes if everything stays the same. I know that this is a time of big decision making for you. But if you have accepted that decisions have to be made, then I know that you will make one based on good knowledge of where you hope to be going.
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