Resistance - Letting go

I haven't felt I anything much to write about these days.  I have been plugged back into the matrix and just enjoying the normal things life has to offer.  Work has been exceptionally busy but it doesn't seem like a burden to me like it has in the past.

I am happy that I have found my center once again.  It is true that it has taken me a long time to stop resisting this new life that I have been given.  The world seems to offer us two choices either to sit back and relax and let life just flow or to decide what you want and set out to make those dreams come true. The second seems like a lot of work to me.

If you believe in a power greater than yourself then there is nothing to do but enjoy what is right in front of you.  If you feel this life is it you better get busy.

I have come to the conclusion that life is about finding something to do each day that brings you joy or at least entertains you. I have found that thinking that a particular destination will bring you happiness never really works out.  You might have a short time of satisfaction until the mind gets restless again it is never going to be satisfied for very long.

I  have to decide how I want to feel today and what I need to do to make that happen. I am at my best when I stop resisting what I perceive to be unpleasant and just go with the flow.  In the end how much will any of this really matter.

Just for today I will do my best to let go and focus on what is right about my life and not get distracted by what I think isn't working.

Growing - A Flower Bed

I am not sure what I will write about tonight I am spent for the week with one day left to go.  I guess I can tell you that I have found a little project to get excited about I am planting a big flower bed in my front yard.  The grass is half dead and the price was too steep for me to plant new grass.  For a third of the cost I am going to have a spectacular show of something.

I am waking up just like mother nature I can feel it.   I am starting to live life not just tolerate it.  It feels really weird to just do normal things like work and complain about my co-workers just like everyone else does.  I can then come home at the end of the day and put my feet up.  I can even plant a flower bed in my front yard.

Your not really sure just how crazy you are until your not anymore.  That is how it has worked for me. I wasn't making it at all and then barely getting through and then a leveling off occurred that turned into tolerance.  I was tolerating life and feeling guilty the whole time.  I felt like life was wasted on me but I just kept going. Who feels like that? Your suppose to have a zest for life.

I haven't quite made it to zest yet and I hope that who ever is in charge isn't planning to take me out soon because of my lack of enthusiasm for this world I guess I will have to wait and see.

I am just happy to get further and further away from where I was and if it takes a flower bed to inspire me then I am happy to do some digging for real instead of emotionally or spiritually.

I am waking up and missing my old life when I had someone to come home to and a family even if it wasn't really mine. I was good a loving and nurturing and making the world run smoothly for other people but without an audience my talents seem to have faded away. Can I do this for just me?

Maybe.

I feel well today and ready to begin again.  Today it doesn't matter that I am alone I feel good and ready to start planting something new.  Maybe I can make my life into some kind of flower bed.