Since I have been resisting my life for so many years it feels
really good to just accept things the way they are and just go with the flow. I
have been bringing color into my life first by painting my office a wheat
yellow with an accent wall of drizzle blue. It caused quite a stir with
the head designer who prefers everything to be gray.
I have been gray long enough. She
said that it would have to be painted over this was a sad moment for me.
First my ego was like "do you think I can't pick colors?" I let
it go and decided to bring the paint home an paint one of my bedroom walls with
it. It feels like the sun is setting behind my bed.
By some miracle the owner got wind of us
painting our offices and came down to see for himself. He said it wasn't
his pick but it was nice. I paid his son to paint the office so it wasn't
like nobody knew it was happening. When I did that it felt like I was
committing to the job for the first time. Investing in a place that I have
spent on average 10-12 hours a day for three years.
Ironically one of our cabinet companies
came out with their new brochure with the exact same two colors. I, not so secretly, felt vindicated.
I am on a roll transforming my day to day
life with color. I had my house painted a few weeks ago and it looks
awesome. I was going go for the same wheat color on the front door but it
turned out more like banana to me. I will repaint once the weather gets
cooler. When I presented the colors to our committee I wasn't 100% sure
so I picked harvest from the color brochure. Maybe it is a banana harvest not
wheat.
Yesterday I hung ten pictures up the stair
way which has been blank since the great room was painted last year. In
my OCD mind I wanted to lay the pictures out neatly on paper an mull over my
choices but it never happened. Ultimate the ADD side of me kicks in and I just
started hanging pictures and it looks
great. After 12 months in 30 minutes I have an art wall.
This is the inner battle that I have dealt
with all my life. Analysis paralysis versus just jumping in with no plan
exactly. I have learned to just trust myself and accept that this is who
I am and that intuitively I will make the right decision. If I don't life will
go on and I will get over it.
I call it being in the flow especially at
work. With sales you never know who the real customers are or who should
get my attention. I only have so many hours in the day so I have to make a
decision an go with it. It always works out and I am finally learning to trust
that my instincts are right.
It feels good to let go of the wanting I have carried for so
long. Wanting things to be different
than they are today or worse wanting the past to be different than it was. I have moved back to the doing part of myself
instead of the being part or the thinking part. I am finding my own peace
painting, cleaning and pulling weeds trusting the flow.
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