Someone I know had a mental break and those of us on the edges of this relationship were stunned. They were found six hours from home with no car and no phone. The police used the emergency contact connected to their drivers licence to contact the family.
The good news is that they have stabilized and seem to be getting better every day. I have had my own bouts with depression when I couldn't accept what life's reality was dishing out to me. The worse of course documented here. I look back at my early post and some are actually beautiful and I think "who wrote that?"
Our conscious mind keeps the free flowing imaginative artist at bay for good reason sometimes. It doesn't work for this world and unless you want to get locked up it is best you keep all those truths to yourself or at least between you and your therapist.
For the family it is like dealing with an active alcoholic and I have received numerous calls telling me what to do and what not to do in their presence. Don't get tricked into doing this or that for them. This really makes me laugh. I am thinking every person they know has dealt with active alcoholism and 10,000 meeting later we aren't about to get taken in. We can love but keep our wits about us with clear boundaries. After this mornings message I thought "you should get to a meeting."
This is not my business so I didn't say anything. Everyone sees everything through their own lenses. Through all their previous experiences and in this case their family position. The sibling that has volunteered to be the keeper of all things. There is a payoff for this when everyone looks to you to manage everything. Us Al-Anons are natural controllers and organizers. I can't say we are born this way but usually end up self appointed when no one else rises to the occasion and we just want the madness to stop.
It is a powerful position but when we get weary we resent the position. It use to make me so mad when I heard "no victims just volunteers." I wanted feel like I was kind a generous person stepping in when things became a mess. The trouble was that I was getting too much out of it. It became who I was instead of something I was doing for another person.
I still get involved when others are a little squeamish. It isn't about us. In every situation they are just battling their own thoughts. Since I have experienced my own meltdown and have had times in my life when I really needed a strong person to step in and help me I don't mind. Being identified as the rock by others it makes people really uncomfortable when you slip. The rock is sinking who takes care of the rock.
I don't think I ask to be the rock. I think because of my upbringing and the fact my mother died I just naturally evolved into an extremely self sufficient person. I think I appear from the outside as not needing anything but that isn't true. I just have learned that you can't always count on someone to be there so you have to be there for yourself. At my age I have quit looking for someone to see my needs so I meet them myself. Once when I was at my lowest a women in my office brought me half of her sandwich and some chips. I started crying something a mother might do for a child.
My friend will come out of this changed but maybe like me for the better. They do seem freer than before not so worried so that is a good thing. And if by chance you know a "rock" do something nice for them even if it is small. Maybe a half of sandwich and some chiips. Even rocks have a softer side.
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