I have been seeing a hypnotherapist hoping to have ideas of peace planted in my subconscious. She was referred to me by a friend who was accepting her mother's diagnosis of progressive dementia. I have felt really disturbed lately with my closest friends having their own escape from this world.
I know this may not go along with the majority of folks out there but I think sometimes you can't talk through your problems. I believe we have layers and layers of beliefs about ourselves that were passed down or caused by an event in our lives that seemed minor at the time but our child mind left a lasting impression in our subconscious. Things that hold us back.
During my third session she told me that she wasn't sure she was the person to help me. She said most of her clients want to quit smoking or lose weight. Our second session we talked to whole time which made me unhappy. I am tired of regurgitating my story again and again. Without me saying anything she offered to give me an extra session. This was before she decided she couldn't help me.
I understood where she was coming from she couldn't see any tangible results from the therapy. She offered to refund my money for two out of three sessions. I said I wanted to go ahead with the third session since I was there. It feels really great like a massage for the mind. I didn't lose consciousness but I was so relaxed that I didn't think I could swallow. She spoke words of openness and peace to me and said I would be receptive to new people in my life.
When I came out of the session I decided that I would like to continue on for the fourth session. I told her that I felt that the hypnosis was helping me with the stress I am feeling now with work and my friends being sick.
I know myself well and I know my mind is both my friend and my enemy. I blame myself for the smallness of my life. I love my work but it takes up most my time and over the years I have lost the support system I use to have. I am more in contact with my family which is nice but when I slow down for too long I think "you should have made different choices." This thought hurts because nothing can be done about the past.
This past week at work was particularly difficult with many demands on me and my time. There wasn't enough of me to meet their needs no matter how many hours I worked. I found myself crying in the parking lot while eating my lunch in the car. By the end of the work week yesterday I was over it and not taking things too seriously. A few of the big issues had been resolved and the rest of the people would have to wait or go somewhere else. I have done my best even if it isn't good enough sometimes.
Today was out weeding the yard and getting ready for the spring. I feel at peace today without hypnotherapy just the sun and the weeds. The ebb and flow of life is constant but I really never get use to it.
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