Homemade Wine and death

My neighbor passed away a few hours ago.  He was in his late 70's or early 80's I think and has had serious heart problems the last ten years I have lived here.  We spent one afternoon together after he saw me on my porch and yelled out "do you want a bottle of wine?" I said sure.  It seemed like only seconds and he was at my front door.

I was in the depths of my depression and isolation and definitely was not thinking about having visitors but there I was on the porch with him.  He apparently made homemade wine.  I knew he was a retired acupuncturist so I asked him why he chose that.  He said he had worked for the DOW company and heard there was a lot of money in acupuncture in Florida. Not exactly what I expected him to say about his chosen field.

We went on to talk about my obvious mental problems and menopause.  He shared with me that his ex wife went through the same thing and left him.  When it was over she said she was sorry and wanted to come back.  He was already engaged to my other neighbor so by that time it was too late.

I always thought I would get to know them better because his wife is very politically active and had the only Hillary sign in the neighborhood.  She has worked for non-profits her whole life and has an amazing track record for fighting for people that need help.  A friendship has not worked out mainly because I have had my own issues.

Today I am staining a ceilings worth of cypress wood that a guy is suppose to install next week.  The boards are laying across three saw horses in my driveway.  I have been sanding and staining all morning and now the hearse has arrived to take the body away.  Very awkward me with my giant face respirator out sanding while they are dealing with death. I have retreated to write this while the body is being taken away.

As far as I know we can't avoid death.  It is something we will all face.  I am not afraid of it and really feel that people are lucky if they have had a long life and in the end they had the people they loved beside them. Just having people that love you is something not everyone has. Experiencing death so young I think that it made realize nothing is guaranteed.  I was thrilled to get past 41 the age my mother died.  I had no idea just how young she was.

Grief is hard and cannot be avoided but it is part of the celebration of some one's life. You loved them and they meant something to you. It can feel like a warm blanket if you don't resist. Nobody understands what you are going through until they experience it themselves.  Everyone goes back to there lives after two weeks and you are left to lay down with the grief and deal with it your own way.

In my experience it takes three years to come back to life when you lose someone you love.  You get back to life quicker than that but it still lingers in the back ground. Be kind to yourself if you have lost someone or even if you have lost a dream. It is okay not to get past it in record time.  It means that it was important to you and worth the sadness.

To my neighbor who left us today.  You brought love to the people that loved you and they will celebrate their loss with grief and maybe some homemade wine.