Happiness - Change - Gratitude

I have been in a little slump this past week and feeling guilty about my lack of gratitude. I haven't felt inspired at work or at home for no reason I can put my finger on.  I remember a friend saying to me one time "do you think you are suppose to happy every day?"  I had to think about that and I guess I did think that then and maybe I do now.

Happiness is a pretty hard thing to define.  I guess for me it is more like contentment and being in the moment. It is only my mind that can ruin the day for me now.  Don't get me wrong day to day stuff can really test you and nobody likes ugly surprises. I don't stay there long I have learned to not let much of anything take away my peace.  It is only thinking of the big picture that disturbs me.

I often think that I should be doing more with my life than I am. Sometimes I think that is just my ego thinking the world can't live without my great talents.  Other times I think the lack of forward action on my part is me not willing to go the extra mile.  Instead when I am not working I find myself spending many hours watching TV or working on my house.

In the past I have had the life where every second was filled with supporting other people. In my personal life, my work life and even my spiritual life. I was always really busy but exhausted all time and over the years I have backed away from those obligations. Now I just encourage the people I interact with everyday when the opportunity arises.

I have spent a lot of my life dealing with some kind of crisis feeling like I just wanted to get through the day.  I felt like this for decades and suddenly my life is only filled with the normal ups and downs and it is unsettling sometimes. This is old patterns of thinking from my childhood just staying a few steps in front of that tiger chasing me through the jungle. With time that feeling of excitement can feel normal and finding peace feeling so strange. I have regrets about those crisis years I missed so many moments of happiness just wanting to be somewhere else.

I am grateful to not be the person I use to be and writing this has helped me to be happy today. The good thing about finding peace is that it gives you time to live life more deliberately.  The good thing about feeling unsettled is that it does eventually motivate you to make changes. I am off to work now and happy to have a job I love.