I wrote an earlier post today mostly for myself but tonight I thought I needed to write about fear. Life in the last few days has been pretty dramatic for all of us. I know that when they cancel big sports events that most sports fans must believe that the world is coming to an end. Have they every really done before? March madness might end up being July madness if we are lucky.
Our ability to adapt is key to remaining calm and realizing that we are okay at this moment. I thought about whether to go and stock up on food today but the idea of seeing the madness at the store felt too stressful. I have been fasting or eating mostly salads for a couple years now so I not sure what I would actually buy. I do have an ample supply of nuts so I will survive.
We cannot know the future so we have to just focus again on the idea that we are okay at this moment. Since social distancing is my specialty that isn't too fearful. What is fearful is entertaining myself if we do end up on lock down for weeks.
I am not saying I am not scared because I am. I spent most of yesterday thinking about how this is going to effect the economy. I was having flashbacks of recession and my depression and how stuck I felt for years. How I had no money to even go to the doctor or run my heat or air. I lived on nothing and felt stuck and terrified for long time. All these thoughts made me think "I can't go through that again".
When I woke up this morning I had to tell myself that this is not the same situation and I am not the person I was back then. The fear I felt was the past and doesn't have anything to do with today. I am a whole person this time and not dealing with grief and menopause. I have worked hard to become a different person and I will face whatever is coming with as much courage as possible.
This since of dread feels familiar to me. Where I live we prepare for hurricanes pretty regularly and for weeks we feel possible destruction coming our way. The news talks about it 24 hours and you try to go through your day without thinking we could really be wiped out this time next week. It is stress in advance of disaster. It just hangs over you and you just try to stay busy.
I decided today I am going to make a list of the projects that I have been wanting to do around the house. Just in case we end up in a quarantine situation. I going to pretend that I have been given some extra time off for spring break. Right now my company hasn't even acknowledged that we might have a problem so I am on the sales floor Monday morning.
I have faith that we will adjust and though we might have to face hard times we can make it. What choice do have? We do have a choice not to suffer now by letting our mind create all kinds of future disasters. We can stop the movie in our mind now and establish a strong center to face whatever comes our way.
No comments:
Post a Comment