I have been busy the weather here doesn't seem to know that we have a pandemic. I can hear my next door neighbors kids jumping on there newly installed trampoline. It is nice to hear them laughing and playing a distraction from the grown up world. The three of them have been home schooled and are use to be all together all the time. Something I am sure other parents and kids are having a hard time with.
My neighbor on the other side hung off her porch yesterday while I was finishing up cleaning my porch and replacing one of my steps that was rotten. It just so happened that I found an extra step in my basement that was exactly the right size. A few years ago I have some rotten wood replaced before I had my house painted. I think they meant to change out this step but missed it.
I like being handy it has served me well all my life. I didn't really tackle serious projects until I was divorced at thirty. I didn't have any money and I had a house to take care of so I started learning from books how to fix things. That was before YouTube. I found I really liked doing most of the stuff. The secret to fixing things is really patience and hopefully the right tools. Back then I never had the right tools and this made me crazy.
When I am working on a project I always think of my daddy he could fix anything and he was the most patient man on the planet. When I was little I would hand him tools while he laid under the our car. I remember he loved car manuals and would spend hours locked in the bathroom reading them. My mother would beat on the door demanding that he come out. I think he loved the process of figuring out how things are done more than actually do them. I am actually like that too. Once I solve the problem I lose interest pretty quickly this is why my job is perfect for me.
Being analytical can trip you up when you are dealing with the real world and other people. People are not logical and life is pretty random and can't be explained. I have spent most of my life trying to fix the unfix-able. First it was the other person and then it was myself. I finally realized that this is not possible. All I could do is practice acceptance of what is and find ways everyday to be peaceful and happy.
This seems impossible especially right now when we are dealing with being told to do nothing but stay home. Our minds are built to keep searching for a solution that doesn't exist unless you are a scientist creating a vaccine.
There is no simple answer except to just pretend that you have been given a vacation from your normal routine and anything is possible. Your mind listens to your thoughts and if you think you are suffering than your body will act accordingly. This is bad for you physically and of course emotionally. Saying "I hate this" just adds fuel to the fire.
If you were a kid and your mother said "summer starts right now" you would be thrilled beyond reason even if she said you couldn't go outside. Your mind would be wild with ideas. You wouldn't think it was punishment to abandon your routine and be free.
If you aren't sick life is good. If you have a home filled with things and people you love life is good. It is hard to just put the fear aside and move on but not impossible. It starts with limiting the amount of news being consumed everyday. I watch it once a day and that is all I need. It was funny yesterday I saw a 15 minute segment that had pictures and clips from stories aired over the last few weeks. No real new news. I do check the numbers and as testing goes up the more cases are reported.
I can't let my mind lose it'self in fear. I have to have the discipline to stop the negative banter in my head. Just like the serenity prayer says "accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can" I can't do anything about the pandemic but I can control the negative thoughts in my mind.
I watch movies to distract my mind from trying to solve this unsolvable puzzle. Again your mind doesn't know the difference between fantasy and reality so it is better to keep the selection light.
Starz has "The Holiday" which I really love a total fantasy for sure but fun. Giving my mind a break even for only a couple of hours is healthy right now.
We can't control the future so we have to work with what is right in front of us and make the best of it. Fear paralyzes us in to thinking "it will always be this way" but it won't. Life will go on and we will adapt to whatever comes our way.
Be safe and know that you have control over your own thoughts and most of us have everything we need in this moment.
Monday, March 30, 2020
Thursday, March 26, 2020
Pain in resistance - Fear - I am okay
They have decided we can work at home since walk in traffic has virtually ceased over the past two weeks. I got an email from a woman I visited two Fridays ago who had just got back from London. She wanted to let me know that she was still interested in the project. She has been busy these past few weeks visiting her daughter who just had her fourth grandchild. At the end of the email she said she had not been sick since her trip to London. This was a relief for me.
Even though this is a un-nerving time for everyone it also is a time of reflection. A time to figure out what is important to us and for many a time to stop running from our fears. For most we have enough and getting by with less for a month will not kill us. In that way we are more fortunate than many places on this planet.
I keep comparing this to the hurricane warnings we face every season because it seems familiar. We get ready for something huge headed our way and then if it doesn't happen then we are happy. The flip side of that is that we spent weeks in fear preparing and even sometimes evacuating for nothing. The stress of this can be overwhelming but at least there is a timeline for when the storm will pass.
For me I just make a reasonable plan and then let the fear go. The fear is biological triggered by the idea that there is an unknown predator somewhere out there. We can feel the fear of the rest of our herd and so we think we should do more than we are doing. Our mind is searching for a solution that only time will give us.
This also reminds me of when I was fighting my depression and grief. I wanted that time in my life to be over but there is nothing I could do to magically make time pass so I could be on the other side of an feel good again. I wanted to know that I would be alright again at some point but I couldn't get there without time. My mind just could't accept that I had no control over where I was at that moment.
When I finally surrendered to the situation and decided okay this is where I am things quickly changed. It was the resistance that hurt me and kept me from just getting with what needed to be done that day. This took getting to rock bottom and really hating myself before I had had enough.
With our situation now we can decide to embrace this and know that we will come out on the other side at some point. We can feel grateful that we have be given an opportunity to help other people by sitting home instead of running around in a panic. Our mind says "do something" and it seems counter intuitive to just be at home with ourselves.
The next two weeks will be the worst of it as more people are tested the number of infections will go up. It isn't that they are rising it is just we will know about it. We have to limit our viewing of the news and occupy our minds with something productive or even something fun. We can't make time pass or see what the future holds we have to trust that we will make it through to the other side.
Even though this is a un-nerving time for everyone it also is a time of reflection. A time to figure out what is important to us and for many a time to stop running from our fears. For most we have enough and getting by with less for a month will not kill us. In that way we are more fortunate than many places on this planet.
I keep comparing this to the hurricane warnings we face every season because it seems familiar. We get ready for something huge headed our way and then if it doesn't happen then we are happy. The flip side of that is that we spent weeks in fear preparing and even sometimes evacuating for nothing. The stress of this can be overwhelming but at least there is a timeline for when the storm will pass.
For me I just make a reasonable plan and then let the fear go. The fear is biological triggered by the idea that there is an unknown predator somewhere out there. We can feel the fear of the rest of our herd and so we think we should do more than we are doing. Our mind is searching for a solution that only time will give us.
This also reminds me of when I was fighting my depression and grief. I wanted that time in my life to be over but there is nothing I could do to magically make time pass so I could be on the other side of an feel good again. I wanted to know that I would be alright again at some point but I couldn't get there without time. My mind just could't accept that I had no control over where I was at that moment.
When I finally surrendered to the situation and decided okay this is where I am things quickly changed. It was the resistance that hurt me and kept me from just getting with what needed to be done that day. This took getting to rock bottom and really hating myself before I had had enough.
With our situation now we can decide to embrace this and know that we will come out on the other side at some point. We can feel grateful that we have be given an opportunity to help other people by sitting home instead of running around in a panic. Our mind says "do something" and it seems counter intuitive to just be at home with ourselves.
The next two weeks will be the worst of it as more people are tested the number of infections will go up. It isn't that they are rising it is just we will know about it. We have to limit our viewing of the news and occupy our minds with something productive or even something fun. We can't make time pass or see what the future holds we have to trust that we will make it through to the other side.
Monday, March 23, 2020
Isolation - Reflection - Projects
We are still open at work. I am off today because this is my regular day off. We stayed open on Saturday and no one came in so we closed early. We are having a meeting with the owner tomorrow to discuss the plan the residential sales people.
In our group some people have a few active jobs but I don't have much going on. I feel peaceful right now and glad that I have a number of projects to do around my house. Luckily I have a habit of getting excited about something and then going out and buying the supplies I need to make it happen. I usually have to go back to work before I can get started so I have a lot of projects waiting for me. This time will give me the opportunity to get some things done. Who knew procrastination would actually be a good thing.
Yesterday I was able to pressure wash my driveway. I had planned to do this two weeks ago but I couldn't get the pressure washer started. After a half dozen YouTube videos and some carburetor cleaner I did finally get it started. I know it sat too long and this is the kiss of death for small engines I will do better next time. The driveway is nice and clean it was a long overdue project.
Being outside all day was nice even though a little extra quiet. It reminded me of the days before a hurricane is expected everybody is shutdown listening to the latest news. Our mind is not our friend at these times. It is working to either figure our why this is happening or searching for a solution especially when we have lost our day to day routine. The routine that distracts us from the fear that lies beneath.
I plan on putting together a daily routine for myself so I don't end up flopped on my bed watching virus numbers on TV or bad movies. This is a rare moment when the world isn't focused on wanting things and can really evaluate what is really important to them. This gift of time is rare when no one is expecting anything from us we can just make plans or do nothing.
I know for any small business that relies on physical walk in customers will be devastated. Especially the restaurants where people rely on tips to survive. I started out my life in this industry so I know most places don't value the people working for tips. Without business they don't get paid.
I do believe that this will pass quicker than people imagine once the numbers peak. Once the quarantine is over we will come to terms with our new normal. We are adaptive and want to get our lives back to a routine as quickly as possible. This isn't 2008 even if the stock market looks like it. I am not saying there won't be significant fall out for some industries but it is not the same.
I hope you are able to take this time and take care of yourselves and your life. Be grateful to be with people you love and reflect on what is right about your life and maybe what isn't working. I noticed on some of my regular weekly YouTube videos everyone looks so rested. In this country we definitely need to slow down. We move so fast and everyone feels so guilty when they want to rest. This is the perfect opportunity to just rest.
I do have to mention that at least it is spring instead of winter so we can be inspired by nature's new beginnings. Keep safe and know that spending time at home alone will not kill you and may actually save your life quite literally.
In our group some people have a few active jobs but I don't have much going on. I feel peaceful right now and glad that I have a number of projects to do around my house. Luckily I have a habit of getting excited about something and then going out and buying the supplies I need to make it happen. I usually have to go back to work before I can get started so I have a lot of projects waiting for me. This time will give me the opportunity to get some things done. Who knew procrastination would actually be a good thing.
Yesterday I was able to pressure wash my driveway. I had planned to do this two weeks ago but I couldn't get the pressure washer started. After a half dozen YouTube videos and some carburetor cleaner I did finally get it started. I know it sat too long and this is the kiss of death for small engines I will do better next time. The driveway is nice and clean it was a long overdue project.
Being outside all day was nice even though a little extra quiet. It reminded me of the days before a hurricane is expected everybody is shutdown listening to the latest news. Our mind is not our friend at these times. It is working to either figure our why this is happening or searching for a solution especially when we have lost our day to day routine. The routine that distracts us from the fear that lies beneath.
I plan on putting together a daily routine for myself so I don't end up flopped on my bed watching virus numbers on TV or bad movies. This is a rare moment when the world isn't focused on wanting things and can really evaluate what is really important to them. This gift of time is rare when no one is expecting anything from us we can just make plans or do nothing.
I know for any small business that relies on physical walk in customers will be devastated. Especially the restaurants where people rely on tips to survive. I started out my life in this industry so I know most places don't value the people working for tips. Without business they don't get paid.
I do believe that this will pass quicker than people imagine once the numbers peak. Once the quarantine is over we will come to terms with our new normal. We are adaptive and want to get our lives back to a routine as quickly as possible. This isn't 2008 even if the stock market looks like it. I am not saying there won't be significant fall out for some industries but it is not the same.
I hope you are able to take this time and take care of yourselves and your life. Be grateful to be with people you love and reflect on what is right about your life and maybe what isn't working. I noticed on some of my regular weekly YouTube videos everyone looks so rested. In this country we definitely need to slow down. We move so fast and everyone feels so guilty when they want to rest. This is the perfect opportunity to just rest.
I do have to mention that at least it is spring instead of winter so we can be inspired by nature's new beginnings. Keep safe and know that spending time at home alone will not kill you and may actually save your life quite literally.
Friday, March 13, 2020
Fear - Controlling our mind and finding peace
I wrote an earlier post today mostly for myself but tonight I thought I needed to write about fear. Life in the last few days has been pretty dramatic for all of us. I know that when they cancel big sports events that most sports fans must believe that the world is coming to an end. Have they every really done before? March madness might end up being July madness if we are lucky.
Our ability to adapt is key to remaining calm and realizing that we are okay at this moment. I thought about whether to go and stock up on food today but the idea of seeing the madness at the store felt too stressful. I have been fasting or eating mostly salads for a couple years now so I not sure what I would actually buy. I do have an ample supply of nuts so I will survive.
We cannot know the future so we have to just focus again on the idea that we are okay at this moment. Since social distancing is my specialty that isn't too fearful. What is fearful is entertaining myself if we do end up on lock down for weeks.
I am not saying I am not scared because I am. I spent most of yesterday thinking about how this is going to effect the economy. I was having flashbacks of recession and my depression and how stuck I felt for years. How I had no money to even go to the doctor or run my heat or air. I lived on nothing and felt stuck and terrified for long time. All these thoughts made me think "I can't go through that again".
When I woke up this morning I had to tell myself that this is not the same situation and I am not the person I was back then. The fear I felt was the past and doesn't have anything to do with today. I am a whole person this time and not dealing with grief and menopause. I have worked hard to become a different person and I will face whatever is coming with as much courage as possible.
This since of dread feels familiar to me. Where I live we prepare for hurricanes pretty regularly and for weeks we feel possible destruction coming our way. The news talks about it 24 hours and you try to go through your day without thinking we could really be wiped out this time next week. It is stress in advance of disaster. It just hangs over you and you just try to stay busy.
I decided today I am going to make a list of the projects that I have been wanting to do around the house. Just in case we end up in a quarantine situation. I going to pretend that I have been given some extra time off for spring break. Right now my company hasn't even acknowledged that we might have a problem so I am on the sales floor Monday morning.
I have faith that we will adjust and though we might have to face hard times we can make it. What choice do have? We do have a choice not to suffer now by letting our mind create all kinds of future disasters. We can stop the movie in our mind now and establish a strong center to face whatever comes our way.
Our ability to adapt is key to remaining calm and realizing that we are okay at this moment. I thought about whether to go and stock up on food today but the idea of seeing the madness at the store felt too stressful. I have been fasting or eating mostly salads for a couple years now so I not sure what I would actually buy. I do have an ample supply of nuts so I will survive.
We cannot know the future so we have to just focus again on the idea that we are okay at this moment. Since social distancing is my specialty that isn't too fearful. What is fearful is entertaining myself if we do end up on lock down for weeks.
I am not saying I am not scared because I am. I spent most of yesterday thinking about how this is going to effect the economy. I was having flashbacks of recession and my depression and how stuck I felt for years. How I had no money to even go to the doctor or run my heat or air. I lived on nothing and felt stuck and terrified for long time. All these thoughts made me think "I can't go through that again".
When I woke up this morning I had to tell myself that this is not the same situation and I am not the person I was back then. The fear I felt was the past and doesn't have anything to do with today. I am a whole person this time and not dealing with grief and menopause. I have worked hard to become a different person and I will face whatever is coming with as much courage as possible.
This since of dread feels familiar to me. Where I live we prepare for hurricanes pretty regularly and for weeks we feel possible destruction coming our way. The news talks about it 24 hours and you try to go through your day without thinking we could really be wiped out this time next week. It is stress in advance of disaster. It just hangs over you and you just try to stay busy.
I decided today I am going to make a list of the projects that I have been wanting to do around the house. Just in case we end up in a quarantine situation. I going to pretend that I have been given some extra time off for spring break. Right now my company hasn't even acknowledged that we might have a problem so I am on the sales floor Monday morning.
I have faith that we will adjust and though we might have to face hard times we can make it. What choice do have? We do have a choice not to suffer now by letting our mind create all kinds of future disasters. We can stop the movie in our mind now and establish a strong center to face whatever comes our way.
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