I am suppose to be working but feel I am still stuck in La La Land. I thought that having time off would get me to a place that I could start facing what needs to be done, whether I like it or not.
My spirit has other ideas today. My mind is giving me the business as usual. What is wrong with you?
This is your life we are talking here, you got to get moving!
In my younger years I could force myself to do just about anything no matter how much I hated it for as long as it took. Maybe after years and years of this I have had enough. It is a little scary to be like this and I wonder it some disaster might be waiting for me if I can't get myself to comply.
I am not sure how to restore myself and get my spirit back in the game. I thought 10 days off would be enough but maybe dealing with my family didn't give me time to find any joy.
My mind is saying right now, just grow up and get your butt in gear. Your an adult so act like one. Everyone has responsibilities, why do you think you're any different?
So I guess I better go an tackle a few things on the list or maybe I will go to the movies.
Picture from Mediabistro.com
Feeling it, too...
ReplyDeleteI hate my list.
Not because I hate what I have to do but because, in my case, there are other things I want to do more. It's a matter of discipline. I have learned, too, though, that sometimes I can just give myself permission to do what I want to.
Yesterday I hated my list, and today I do, too. Tomorrow I hope to hate it less :) . Tomorrow I hope for the real-sort-of-joy of having more of those things done. But, ouch, it'll be up to me.
You've got me thinging. Again :) . During my first many months in Al-Anon I have well-assimilated my powerlessness in terms of externals, and I really did see just how unmanageable my life and condition had become. Having let go of those externals isn't something I have to remind myself of. It's more like a new and welcome state of being for which I'm so thankful.
Without the weight of those externals I'm freer, less distracted, to focus on the internals. Ugh! For now, I'm casually logging my emotional or negative reactions, or times I just feel spiritually unwell. It's turning out so far in almost all cases that it's my own doing or not doing as the case may be - much as I hate to admit that. What's emerging are patterns of reacting and sick motives sometimes.
I have lots of room for new year resolutions! But working on what I learn and what I can do one day at a time.
Thank you for your post, Grace...
I don't make resolutions or lists anymore about what I must or must not do. I do a few things each day. Simple goals really. But then I am not working anymore. And that has made a big difference in relief of stress.
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