It is so weird to feel joy and excitement about life. I thought I would have to settle for contentment since it was better than apathy and much better than depression. My analytical mind is trying to figure out what is different and how can we maintain this level of happiness. This of course takes away from actually enjoying happiness.
I have made a number of changes over the past six months that really helped. First the diet which I already hyped on in my last post also I have changed my routine ever so slightly and it has gotten me out of a rut. I have to admit being off a lot from work really made me look at everything very closely. Once I got over the shock and fear of no business and the question "will I ever have another customer?" I could see the possibilities that free time can give you.
Silly I know but anyone that had a commission based job during the recession understands where I am coming from. I have to admit for a few days I felt gripped with fear but then I remembered that I made it through that time regardless of the situation and that I would be taken care of even though I don't know exactly how at this moment.
Once I got over the fear I could see once again my part in being stuck and where like the program says "If you always do what you have always done then you will always get what you always got." When I was sick with depression and thyroid meltdown I lived in survival mode and got use to just making it. I only had the energy to do what had to be done and was willing to just maintain. I got use to not wanting for more and accepting that feeling okay was really good enough. Bad habits were formed.
This kind of thinking and acting is just a habit and something your mind gets accustomed to and tries to pull you back to in the event you want to make a change. Making changes is not only uncomfortable but also goes against our primal genetic code or lizard brain. So when you are making changes the voice inside is like "I don't like this. I would rather have a bag of tortilla chips." Who can fight that?
For me I just negotiate with that voice - telling it not to worry we will go back to the chips one day if we really want to. Sounds crazy but let's face it the voice is not our friend when we are scared to do something different. The chips in my case represent the millions of good times I have had at Mexican restaurants with friends and it was the first food I bought when I left home a sixteen. Doritos.
What if life will never be as good as those memories? What if the future holds better times than those? I think I have accepted that happiness isn't consistency but finding joy in today knowing that tomorrow we will face whatever comes. We have to do that anyway so why ruin today.
I am back to being busy at work and missing that freedom I found from being caught up and having to use my imagination to fill my days. I had forgotten what that was like and hadn't experience it since I was in school for design and off for the summer. Being busy again I can appreciate both work and the security it gives me and also the ability to have a life outside of work.
If you want to get out of a rut start by changing just one thing. It can be as small as taking a different route to work or eating lunch at a different time. You brain will hate it but you will feel a little inspired. Baby steps at least that is what worked for me.
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