It feels so weird - Seeing for the first time

I never really realized that my life has really been my work until now.  Since we haven't been very busy I have had a lot of time to see what it would be like not to work.  I will say not to work in a driven fashion even during the recession when there wasn't any work I still spent all my free time trying to get work living at the office scheming on how to bring in more business.

This is different because it isn't a crisis unless I make it one.  I am getting an opportunity to work to live instead of live to work.  What it would be like to not work 50-60 hours a weeks.  My mind at first was very unhappy very restless looking for a crisis of any kind to get it's teeth in.  Perusing the past for anything that would make me feel insecure or critical about myself and decisions that got me where I am today.  The kind of loop that I can get into easily when I need to fill time and I am restless.

I have been reading Dr. Amen book on healing ADD and the seven types.  I could identify with two one with the loop of bad thoughts the other the "I am bored" mantra. He gives examples and then combinations of natural supplements or pharmaceuticals that he has used with success with his patients. 

I have started taking a couple of different things.  Not really long enough for them to make a difference but I do think that the Keto diet has already geared me toward better nutrition and better mental function. His book does address the alcoholic brain and adult children of alcoholics.

This is beyond belief to me that my emotional patterns are caused by the composition of my brain and that there is something other than talk therapy that can help.  Sure meds have been an option for a long time but combinations of diet exercise and amino acids as an option is something different.  He said that they doctors are lumping all ADD together and prescribing the same thing for everyone.  Which actually make some people worse given the part of the brain affected.

I have avoided medication because the people I know that have been on it don't seem any better and they usually go through a bunch of different ones.  I like the idea of using the brain scan to determine what part of the brain has been shows up a problem.  We all can't get brain scans but we can see ourselves in the different patients he describes.

It is nice not being a slave to my emotions and really feeling so clear and less fearful.  The better I eat the better I feel  This might seem logical but when your mind is acting out you don't really make good choices about food or anything else really.  For me it seems everything is blown out of proportion and I am just surviving.

I am not sure this will count as related to recovery but it is where I am now.  I feel like I am seeing for the first time not just surviving. It feels so weird.