Changing - Giving up what seems natural

I am in a good space working on my yard.  I feel balance mentally, spiritually and physically.  I am still giving all the credit to the Keto diet.  I don't remember feeling this good except when I was in love.  New love anyway.  How can that be?

Our whole lives are geared towards eating. Maybe the memories we have of our mother's making special meals for us. The relationships that grew over eating meals together.  I have a lot of those first at my Al Anon mother's house in my thirty's.  We had big parties and the two of us worked together alone in the kitchen.  Something I didn't have with my own mother.

I then moved on to my adopted family.  My ex's family and a few of my Al-anon friends that migrated with me.  I cooked with love and after many years finally felt at home.  After ten years I felt relatively safe as long as I kept doing what I was doing.  That was the deal even though never said it was implied that I would continue to take care everything.  I didn't mind I had been doing that all my life and it was the safest I had ever felt.  Of course three years later that life was over basically finished over night a 13 year relationship was over.  We have spoken once since then.

The rest of the story is old and I am sick of it by now. I have recreated myself since then some things intentionally and some changes forced on me.  After all of the work I have done in counseling and in Al-Anon I never even considered addressing my diet and that changing it could change me.

I could say that the way I feel is because all the stars are aligned now and that is why I feel so good.  Maybe that is partially true but my mind is different.  I don't get stuck in the problem loop like I use to dwelling on the past or any particular problem.  I feel whole and excited about what is going to happen next. I have never experienced this as an adult.

The change isn't easy and has stunted my social life for sure.  I have long term relationships built around food.  I am rarely hungry and that makes the reward of eating less interesting to me.  Since I am not that interested in food my love of cooking has mostly disappeared.  I need very little to sustain me each day.  I did order the Flavcity Keto cookbook coming out May 15th.  His food is similar to what I like to eat and not too complicated.

I think I am really happy in a healthy way for the first time.  I feel separate and whole not wanting for anything today.  I have to say a word about Mother's Day.  My own mother even though I didn't have her long did good job preparing me and my sister for her not being around.

She instilled in us that we needed to think for ourselves.  She wasn't controlling and let us fall and suffer sometimes.  We were encouraged to work it out for ourselves even if this meant suffering
for her.   Thanks Mama.