I have been back from my trip for a week. It turned out to be a great healing trip for me and I feel freer than I ever have. Only one call from work which in itself was a miracle. Last week was quite drama filled but I was rested and not affected by the normal parts of my job.
When you are designing and bringing many people together to create the customers vision it is like running a department where none of the people actually work for you. I try to be clear and straight forward with how things work but sometimes people aren't engaged. Both customers and contractors want things to move quickly and rush through the planning process and when something is not like they imagined it was going to be they are upset.
It doesn't matter how many times I repeat it or show them it is like they are too busy at that moment to listen or pay attention. Not everyone is like that and I can usually tell who will come back to me and plead innocence and expect a miracle. Luckily I know that I have done my part to insure that everyone is on the same page. I can't make someone listen that is lost in their own personal version of life so I just try to get through it as peacefully as possible.
I use to think I was always the person that did something wrong. The first call I got last Monday was " You have made a serious mistake on this job." The old me would immediately think I am so stupid I messed this up. Now before I have that thought I get more details and I trust myself. The doubt comes because once I complete a task and move on to something else I file it away. When I am working on something I give it 100% and shut out other distractions so I don't make mistakes. Then I move on and when a question comes up it takes time for the details to come back to me.
I think they call this compartmentalizing and it really works. Today we pride ourselves in multi - tasking but all that means is no one or task is getting 100%. Everything is getting sloppy seconds. You can't take messages on your watch phone while listening to details of a month long project and not expect to miss a critical detail. "Hey - You are spending a lot of money - Pay attention."
People shouldn't say "I have lost my mind" they should say " I am lost in my mind". I cover myself at work with lots of pictures this seems to waken the other half of the brain. Even though I am complaining here this isn't a regular problem for me but I wish that people were less scattered.
It isn't healthy to live in such a high stress environment created by our own behaviors. In the past when my phone pinged I felt like was one of those mice in the test maze that was shocked every time the bell rang. I always think about when you actually go to a store and stand in line waiting and the phone rings and the clerk takes the call and writes down that persons order or answers a long question. It seems you are not as important as the person not willing to even come to the store.
Okay that it enough ranting for one day. I know I sound old but I cherish peace above all else in my life. My nervous systems is burned out from all the fight and flight I have subjected it to over the years and I am not interested in making everything life and death anymore. I will accept what is my responsibility and when it isn't I will do what I can to help get things back on track.
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