We had such hopes for 2021 but it looks like we will have to hold on a little longer. I am sad for the Texans that expected to have their state make sure they had electricity and water. This same event did happen a decade ago and many promises were made but just like every human on earth it doesn't take long before it is business as usual.
How can we ever get the people in charge to choose people over money. I really don't think it is totally about greed I think it is about the game of achievement. Most of the successful people that we know are focused on the next moment the next thing and are disconnected from the reality of the people they are affecting.
They are just filling their 24 hours the same as the rest of us and just like us are so far removed from what is happening to other people. I feel that way myself on weeks where I am so busy I don't remember much about what happen.
This week we had a death of someone that made their wealth spewing hate without any regret. Spending the last six months on this earth inflicting as much damage as possible. I know his persona started out really as a joke just being as absurd as possible. The more outrageous the more popular he became and the more rich he became. Getting lost in the person he had become with addiction underneath.
I think at some point there is no turning back, even if you want to, there is that moment where you become who people expect you to be it is just easier to go with it. We have all done it to a certain degree just went along because this is what is expected. We feel empty and too afraid to take a leap of faith to shake things up. What if every one leaves me and I am alone and no one loves me?
I wish I could say I took that leap willingly but it was forced on me because I had become a zombie even if I couldn't see it myself. I was always doing what I thought other people expected me to do instead of searching for my own inner dreams. I didn't mean to become a zombie but I wanted to be loved and this is how I earned loved by giving you what I thought you wanted.
I didn't think I was lovable unless I met your every need before you even asked. This resulted in my love being flat and predictable and invisible. It is human nature to like things to be the same and also be attracted to excitement at the same time. Someone else took the leap to make there new dream happen leaving me behind.
I am grateful to be myself today even if my life is different. I can be at peace with the person I have become today. I am also grateful to have power and water. I do wake up every morning and stating out loud the things I am grateful for this includes - Hot shower - my house - my car - my neighborhood - my city - my state - my country and the world. Silly I know but it wakes me up to what is important. You never know about tomorrow.
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