My family came and went this past four days. It was a nice visit everyone seemed pretty chilled out without stressing out over the the schedule. My sister and I we don't have any big angst between us anymore except at one point she said Obama was a big fake and the secretly he was really just as bad all the rest. She compared the president to Bill Clinton and his treatment of women I just let it pass.
Sometimes when you aren't quite comfortable with your own position on something you have to make the other side out to be a villain of some sorts. I know this is what I have done with my ex's and other problem situations in my life. You can't just say "it just doesn't work for me." Or "things have changed and I have moved on."
You have to justify why you don't like or want to be part of something anymore or why your better off. I think this is how you get past the guilt of moving on or letting go of the hurt of something ending. In my sister's situation assuring herself she is on the right side of things. Before the election we both spoke about the fact that the man is a sociopath. We actually agreed on that I am sure at this point she would say she never said that.
With the death of our mother we both have built a fortress around our version of reality. She also ended up in the middle of full blow addiction. She went to Al-Anon a few times to help someone else and said "it really wasn't for her she wasn't in denial and the people there were so strange."
She knows what is best for everyone and she will tell you that. Sounds just like an untreated Al-Anon to me. I have no desire to do anything about that anymore. She wants to save everyone but when you are dealing with addiction they have to want to save themselves. Like they say "cunning baffling and powerful."
When you are dealing with addition it is not the person you knew anymore. There are two people in there one running things the other small and scared taking orders. I felt this way when I was depressed. I felt like I was a prisoner of my mind and the negative self talk. I just wanted to end that talk and thought I couldn't live another day like that. I imagine that is the way addiction feels with the substance giving you temporary relief from the self -abusive talk.
My sister said "we didn't turn to drugs or alcohol to solve our problems." I said it was because we had a strong foundation to start with and probably because we were control freaks. I really don't know why some are more susceptible than others. Grace is really the answer to that question.
I am grateful that I have some peace with my family after all these years. Time does have a way of making you realize it isn't really that important anymore. It feels good to spend four eventless days with my blood relatives without trying to change anyone's mind or even state my own.
No comments:
Post a Comment