Making Plans - Proof of heaven

I feel a bit under whelmed at the moment.  A lull in the action which is fine with me.  I have been gathering my spirit to see what is next in hopes that I can steer things in a direction that is fun.  Some where past the demanding customers and the remnants of my personal remodel.

I feel good today last night I watched a lecture on YouTube by the guy who wrote "Proof of Heaven" A neurologist that was in a coma for 7 days with no brain function according to the test.  He had a specific experience that he says proved the mind and brain are separate.  The spirit does operate without the brain.

He said where he went it was the music that was the healing force.  He has a business called "Sacred Acoustic".  I checked it out and it is like the delta wave meditation videos.  Those space like sound waves kind of freak me out.  The nights I have fallen asleep with them I have woke up suddenly and turned it off.  I guess I am not ready for deep sound meditation.

I liked his story it gave me hope that there is something more than here.  I also think this kind of thinking is also a trap.  You spend your time focusing on what will be instead making the most of today this minute,  Like the hymn "when we all get to heaven what a day of rejoicing that will be".

I want to learn to be happy today and not wish my life away for an end experience.  Maybe the afterlife experiences calms those that fear death.  Death doesn't scare me it is life that keeps me up at night.  After my break I realized that making plans is purely for its entertainment value that counting on a script you produced in your own head will not end well.

Life is made up of a series of things to do each day and who you do those things with.  A great deal of time is spent attending to boring chores or making money to purchase a nicer place to perform those boring chores.  Okay that sounds a little sad.

In my business I create beautiful spaces that does enhance those living there.  It is functional and where people that mostly love each other hang out and I hope make a meal together.  It is worth it to invest in your space because a sad space will make you enjoy those chores even less.

I hope this post isn't too heavy it isn't meant to be I am just sorting things out over here.  I plan on working on my house this weekend putting things in order and making plans.  Ha ha. 

When the dust settles - Not making plans

We are heading for the home stretch with the remodel.  Everything in my house is covered with a fine layer of drywall.  I have decided to just wait and not try to clean until literally the dust settles. My last remodel at my other house I was in my thirties and had specific ideas about how everything should be done and how long it should take.  I cleaned everyday only to find the dust there the next morning.  I was a perfectionist and this set me up for a lot of disappointments and drove the people around me nuts.

This time lets say I am "more seasoned".  Back then I had lost my corporate job and gone back to school.  In my mind I was being supported by someone else and was trying to find my identity while earning my keep.  This was pressure I was putting on myself to prove I was valuable for all that I brought to the table.

The thing I have learned is that even if you bring nothing to the table you are still valuable. You may not meet your own expectations or be popular with the people around you but you are still a human being and here on the planet and are valuable.

It is true that if you do more and be more you will have more friends and you will have a higher opinion of yourself but in the end this is just the ego getting fed. It sometimes leads us to look at other people as less valuable than ourselves or the groups that we belong to.  We are special and they are not we are right and they are wrong.

It is a real trap.  I think we do this so we feel safe and belong.  If we do the right things with the right people then we are somehow insulated from the bad things or people out there that can hurt us. Even the idea of the after life is a safety net in case we lose someone we love or something goes wrong we can know that it will all work out in the end.  I don't think we could survive without these ideas.

For myself I am focusing on today and the people that are a part of my life today this moment. The grand scheme in our heads is really just a distraction.  My mind loves this kind of entertainment.  The planning and scheming of my pretend future.  I will have a future but it probably won't match the one in my head exactly.  I have to ask myself "what am I missing today by making those plans?"

You can make plans but it is the actual act of making those plans that is enjoyable and not depending on the outcome to make you happy. Putting my happiness in the hands of a specific outcome can set me up for serious pain,  Life doesn't have a plan just us. Be happy today and don't look to some future day to be happy.

I knew this remodel would not make me happy.  Yes even when it is done I will love it but then my mind will be on to something else.  I have enjoyed the planning and meeting the different workers coming in the house but when the dust settles I will be left with myself and what is next.

Making plans - Spinning Plates

I should have never had the idea of taking it easy in the month of July.  The universe shouted right back at me with more work than I could have imagined along with my renovation this has left me little time for anything but sleep. 

I am not complaining I just think is is comical when you plan one thing and something totally different happens.  This is where we get really messed up believing that we really have any control of our lives.  To have a plan is definitely the way to feel safe setting out on our path with a specific goal or destination and expecting things will go our way.  How we react when obstacles start popping up one by one testing our every movement forward is what really matters.

The pain is in the resistance of course not in the actual problems that arise.  For me my pain is not being able to meet what I think are the expectations of others. Especially in my work you have to decide who is serious and who is just poking around the idea of doing something. 

I feel mostly like I am gambling with my time and in the end my money. Who should I invest in and who has been watching too much HGTV.  Business comes in clumps not a steady even stream where I have the time to address first come first serve. You have to make those choices and I hate that part but I only have 24 hours in each day.

It stresses me out when I have to choose what I can fit into the time I have available in a given day. Sometimes working on what I sense is a dead end instead of bigger more long term projects. Why would I do that?  Because I am getting pressure and in order to move on I have to relieve that pressure.

I have gotten use to working like this over the years and once I have all my plates spinning I can really get a lot done. This why time away isn't good for me when I return  I am resistant to people hurtling plates at me and I have resentments.  Eventually I get back up to full speed and it all seems normal again.

What works for me is first not really making plans.  I have specific loose goals for the day and I do my best to meet them.  I tell myself that I have always worked this way and for the most part I can trust my instinct and I will get it all done.  If I don't then it wasn't meant to be and I move on.

I have ask other people in my business how they deal with it and they say there is no way to meet every one's needs all the time.  I am lucky that I enjoy what I do and I don't have a lot of personal commitments so I can put in the hours.

 It is good to put into words that it is okay to feel overwhelmed from time to time and that it all works out if you just don't make plans.