Saturday, July 25, 2015

Letting go - Seeing the magic happen

I have been cocooning and have not been inspired to do much of anything including writing.  I have felt more than a little blah since I helped a friend move the furniture we used to stage his house back to both our houses.  The furniture and some boxes are still just where we left them all over my house.

I have had a few small health issues I think related to over doing things.  I am known for my manic spurts of inspired doing and sometimes over doing.  If I decide I am ready to do something I jump up and start doing it. If I wait and plan I lose interest or if I think too much about it I feel overwhelmed and lay down.

The past two weeks I have been doing the least I can get by with and trying not to judge myself for it. I still judge myself but so far the spaces I have created by doing nothing has been filled by nice surprises.  At work old customers have shown up ready and with checks in hand. My friend after selling his house gave me a nice check for my help getting it sold. This was certainly not expected but appreciated.

I am always surprised how letting go generally yields great benefits. It goes against our nature or certainly our culture to not take the bull by the horns and work every angle to get what we think we want or need. To think that it is our responsibility to do something every minute instead of trusting and letting life come to us and seeing the magic happen.

I have let go in the past but mostly because everything was out of my hands. I was emotionally bankrupt and had no choice.  It was mostly surrender and not voluntarily.

In the past turned things over to god that I had no control over just to give myself some peace. What I am doing now is eliminating the first part - exhausting every possible thing I thought I should do to get what I thought I wanted and needed.  I have decided that I don't really know what I want or need so why shouldn't I just let go.

Every bad thing that has happened to me even years of depression has resulted in a lighter more whole and healthy person. I can see and accept that everything was always in perfect order certainly not the order I wanted. Even the depression burned off all those ideas I had about who I thought I was the person that only existed in my mind and caused me pain. The person that exhausted me.

I have clean slate to work with now and during my cocooning I am watching ideas float by seeing if any of them inspire me. I am resting in the idea that everything is in perfect order today.

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