My family came and went. It was a good visit stress free for the most part except when my niece was trying to manage us all in the nicest way. Making sure we were all sticking to the agreed upon schedule we all resisted like everyone naturally does when they are being managed.
This is the first time my sister has seen my house. It is a nice house filled with the years of my life and some of hers or at least some of the people that she is related to on different shelves around the house.
I ended up with a lot of family stuff because my mother's oldest sister and my grandmother ended up here at the end of their lives. I came here at sixteen because I thought I needed a back up plan in case I couldn't support myself. My aunt was already here and in the process of moving my grandmother here. I ended not needing that backup plan and never lived with either one of them.
My relationship with my sister has changed for the good. I think in families we sometimes makeup stories about each other something based on a snap shot of our childhood. We imagine that we know who this person is and that idea just stays with us. Especially when they are far away we can place them securely in a box and treat them the way we treated them when we were kids.
With my sister I think we have finally let go of our rolls. She always felt that she needed to add me to her list of people she needed to counsel. We also had the issue between us about my dad. He was a part of her life but not mine. A few months ago we had our final argument about him ending with me saying I just wanted her to acknowledge that we had different experiences and in my eyes he was not a saint but human and that she didn't need to defend of justify my relationship with him.
Life goes on and before he died I had accepted that he was unable to give me what I ultimately wanted from him. The child in me wanted to be some kind of priority in his life. It is old news now and it is just me and her and I am over it. She is too I can feel the change between us she has also stopped trying to point out places she thinks I need work. Anyone reading this blog knows that this has been my life's work.
My sister just like me has lived a life of crisis. One after another barely making it and thinking that living like that is normal. The difference is with the program I was able to find periods of real peace. It is hard to become comfortable with peace your mind goes wild looking for something to fill the empty space. Now it feels strange to be in a crisis about anything.
I am not in charge of most things that happen. I can only control my thoughts about it and stop myself from projecting some awful future outcome. I can also recognize that other people have the same option. They also have the right to make their own life choices even if I don't agree with the choices they make. Their lessons are different from mine and my own problems have led me to a higher place.
I love my sister and she loves me and we are now becoming friends how weird is that. Two adults respecting and loving each other.