I have the real weekend off and have slept in until almost 11 both days. I haven't done that in a very long time. I don't feel particularly tired but sleep is the best remedy for most things physical and mental. The next few weeks will be busy and it is probably good to get it while I can.
We have a big wedding coming up the first of August my nephew is marrying into a pretty prominent family in his town. There is an event every day for four days leading up to the wedding. I have had to go out and buy the hopefully appropriate clothes. My life has been more the life of a monk than a socialite so it is pretty stressful. The women at the first store kept saying "you can't wear that" finally settling on a top for the rehearsal dinner.
I spoke to my sister and she is stressed 10 fold. We both are wishing we were thinner about now but not enough to jump on the diet path. She will be in the official pictures and I will not. She told me she has tried on 30 dresses and her final picks got the thumbs down from her son.
Pieces of my past will be at the table every night. My step mother will be the honored grandmother. Hopefully it will be a big table and I will be at the other end. She is the last person that can still stir something in me. If she had been kinder and more loving my life would have been different. I was an obstacle to her something between her and my father.
It was a true Cinderella story with the chores and all. She didn't reserve her treatment for just me but even her own daughters. She was an angry women who was left by her first husband the love of her life and she could never accept this rejection. The "I am not enough story" manifesting it 'self just below the surface. I understand and have compassion for this story now but I don't necessarily want to sit next to her at the dinner table.
If you believe in God then you have to accept that everything happens for a reason. Life is laid out in a divine plan and we are exactly where we are suppose to be a nice story. This thought can keep you going but I now believe that life is just life. When bad things happen we just find a way to get through it the best we can and when good things happen we just try to enjoy the moment.
I try my best everyday to just be kind and compassionate. Realizing that everyone has their own story that they are living and that it has nothing really to do with me. I can't change them just give them encouragement and if they reject me or love me it isn't something about me it is about them.
When I am at my best I choose to not take it personally. Sometimes when I want someone to like me or do something I want them to do and they don't I slip away from peace and back to pain and frustration. Luckily it doesn't last too long and I can return to peace.
When I head out to family central in the next few weeks I will have many opportunities to test my faith and use what I have learned. I am going with an open mind knowing I am healthier spiritually than I have ever been. I am no longer Cinderella trapped in a bad situation I can't escape. I escaped without the prince and the story wasn't the fairytale I wished for but I have found my own happily ever after.