I have written three post but wasn't committed enough to post them. I have felt a little unsettled for the past few weeks. I am working around the house today eradicating a growing nest of moths from an Asian rug I purchased a few years back. I is hot and humid here and wool isn't something we have around much and this is why.
I have had this problem on and off for years and I have done everything to stop this from getting out of control. I lost the battle this year maybe because I am not willing to douse my rugs with pesticide for my sake. Today I drug my 10 x 7 rug out on the driveway to survey the extensive damage. The colors are still vibrant but it has got to go.
I bought a synthetic cheap rug to replace it today.No insect is interested in plastic. It was under a rustic driftwood dining table I haggled for. I can't just leave it bare it makes the room feel cold. I paid a decent price for the used Asian rug and it might end up in the basement doused with pesticide.
It did occur to me that maybe the funk I am feeling is just like that rug infestation. It has gone ignored for awhile doing unseen damage evidenced only by the occasional small harmless moth. Waiting until seeing moths in every room and being forced to face the destruction. This is how I live my life pushing things down until I just can't ignore it any longer.
I have been happily slammed for the past year glad to be distracted emotionally from the reality of what is going on in the world. When I finally took off for a week I replaced work with my to do list for my personal life. Since I have been back to work I am feeling less comfortable with the pace of things and wanting more for my life.
When I feel like this I can't help but think about the past and the people that are no longer in my life. I can't change the events of the past that led me to where I am today. I can't change the past but I can decide not to let it eat at me. I have been hurt and I have hurt people.
It is time to go back again and forgive the past my part and the part of others. We will always have those memories and from time to time we will wish for a different outcome. This is normal and every time this happens we have an opportunity to heal these hurts.
Each time these hurts surface we can see where we are in our process of forgiveness. We can once again let it go and know we have done our best even when sometimes it wasn't good enough. We can be kind to ourselves and appreciate the progress we have made.
It doesn't matter how long it takes or if we wait until we have a house full of moths we always do our best. You notice I am still not ready to get rid of that rug all together.
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