A man I haven't seen in over thirty years came into the store yesterday. It is funny because I was third in line to take customers. When I was in my 20's I went to school to get my realtor's license and met him and his wife during the crash course study program offered. The three of us ended up working for the same real estate company.
The two of them were a lot older than me and a very driven couple with identical cars and a business plan. I became good friends with his wife and over time I realized there was something terribly wrong and she began to confide in me about the verbal and sometimes physical abuse she endured.
When he was around me he was syrupy sweet and so loving towards her to the point that it felt fake. She wanted out but with two small kids and everything tied up in the business together it would be hard. She said he had eluded to the fact that she would never get out of the marriage alive. She certainly would never see her kids again.
She believed this because he had been in the military and had top secret clearance and worked under cover for years. He was a master of disguise so this seemed plausible to me. She said at one point before the kids were born someone had broken into there house and took nothing they could see and it was only investigated by the military. Is this true? I don't know.
Her fear and worry went on for years and I could see nothing was going to change. In my youthful ignorance I confronted him a few times telling him that I knew what was going on. The weight of this relationship took a toll on me and I had my own problems with my young drinking husband at home.
When I decided to quit pretending to be a realtor and get a real job I let our relationship drift. I knew I couldn't help her and if ask to testify I could only say that in my presence he showered her with affection. I felt helpless to do anything for her and I had to move on.
One night a few years right after my husband left I was home alone and I got this picture in my mind of her and overwhelming sadness came over me. I started crying and then I started praying like I hadn't done in a long time. This went on for an hour until I felt a sort of peace.
A year later I heard from her out of the blue and she told me that he suddenly decided she could leave with the kids as long as she turned over her share of the business. She had gotten a divorce and permission to take the kid back to where her family lived in the north east. She was really happy.
She did move back here and we made plans about ten years ago to meet for lunch. She was a no show and I tried calling her and she never answered. Probably God keeping me from going places I don't need to go.
When he recognized me yesterday he couldn't get away fast enough. His business didn't really do well after they split he had some altercation at a bar that led to a lawsuit and bad publicity He looked older of course and a little shrunken. I ask about her and he said he hadn't seen her in a long time.
I felt helpless back then not being able to see an end to what seemed like an impossible situation. I left her and the friendship and it worked itself out. Lately I have felt helpless again but I know now that I can't fix someone else's problems but I can decided to do what I can and stick around.
We can turn the outcome over to a power greater than ourselves and see what happens. If at some point it becomes too much we can still decide to move away and save ourselves. The world won't come to an end and sometimes people are better off without you. Crushing to the ego but trues sometimes. Without support you have to really dig deep to solve you own stuff and grow.
At least that is my personal experience.
Alcohol addiction is a disease but you can cure it. Like any other disease, alcoholism too has its signs and symptoms. Mostly People drink because of ceremonial or social reasons. But drinking becomes a problem when it gets too personal or too far.
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