I took the long weekend off. It was a surprise to me that with our rotating schedule that I could potentially be off for five days. It is the best time to do this is around a holiday because few people are thinking about design while they are eating burgers and hot dogs with friends and family.
Since I am mostly solo these days I have been working on a few different projects. First organizing my garage by hanging shelves and having a place to put all the plant stuff I am accumulating. I want to make an attempt to grow plants from seed so I have save a few of the trays and little pots the annuals come in. The question is will I do this or is this some fantasy that I have that I am a Monty Don in the making or in America Martha Stewart when she was doing everything.
I am a big idea person and I get so excited about something that I run out and buy what I need to do it and by the time I get home my enthusiasm is gone. When I was young use to hate myself for this because all I could see around me was the unfinished projects. It reminded me of the alcoholic in my life with grandiose ideas that never came to life or were left to me to finish.
I really don't like things undone or unfinished and this is also why back in the day I never started anything. Once I was into to a project I just wanted to blow through it as fast as possible before I got bored with the whole thing. This is why my job is perfect for me I can get excited about a project design something spectacular and turn it over to someone else to make it come to life. I also like details so I know I have designed everything down to the last inch and it will work.
In my first marriage living with alcoholism I felt like I was always chasing my husbands big ideas. Once a friend gave him a bunch of wood from a deck they had torn down and he decided we were going to build a porch on to our mobile home. Did we know anything about attaching a porch to an aluminum structure. Half way through it was abandoned. After the divorce and a few houses later I sold that little mobile home and when they drug it off the lot the half built porch was still attached.
Today I don't really worry about finishing anything but my professional work. Don't get me wrong I love looking at the "after" from the "before and after" more than most people do. I relish in any kind of transformation of really anything. My mind looks at something or someone and can see all the possibilities. I really don't understand the limitations others put on life in general.
The creative spirit is a gift that has to be nurtured at all times. When I get excited about something now and I run out and get supplies I don't beat myself up if I lose interest. It is the anthem that I cherish now more than anything else. It is that I can still find something that I am excited about.
I no longer analyze everything to death and take the joy out of my creativity. I don't think of the thousand ways it won't work before investing my time and energy into something. If it is an expensive project I do way out what I willing to invest and lose if in the end I hate it.
Right now I have three fish tanks that I would like to one into real tank with fish and the other two into elaborate terrariums. I know that I may not want to maintain any of these in the long run so do I want to make the effort and spend the money? I am not like the guys on YouTube that this is their life to maintain these tanks and of course make videos about it. It is their passion and I will never be them but the fantasy is there in my mind anyway.
I have been slowly working towards setting them up. Looking at the lighting possibilities buying plants and getting new bulbs for the tanks. The baby steps towards commitment. I have made drawing of the plant tanks. I want to build a rock wall with stones I already have. I am getting juiced about it right now. I can do this right?
My point is that sometimes it is the process and not the end result that is important. The journey not the destination as they say. I always hated that phrase because I thought "somebody has got to get things done." I have accomplished a lot in my life and if you want something done just hand it over.
Being like that has earned me a lot of money but now I want to enjoy the moment more and savor the enthusiasm a new idea generates. I am enjoying chasing the dream instead beating myself up for not getting it done. In the end it is suppose to be fun and the thrill of finishing something doesn't last and then you got to find something else to do.
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