I feel a bit under whelmed at the moment. A lull in the action which is fine with me. I have been gathering my spirit to see what is next in hopes that I can steer things in a direction that is fun. Some where past the demanding customers and the remnants of my personal remodel.
I feel good today last night I watched a lecture on YouTube by the guy who wrote "Proof of Heaven" A neurologist that was in a coma for 7 days with no brain function according to the test. He had a specific experience that he says proved the mind and brain are separate. The spirit does operate without the brain.
He said where he went it was the music that was the healing force. He has a business called "Sacred Acoustic". I checked it out and it is like the delta wave meditation videos. Those space like sound waves kind of freak me out. The nights I have fallen asleep with them I have woke up suddenly and turned it off. I guess I am not ready for deep sound meditation.
I liked his story it gave me hope that there is something more than here. I also think this kind of thinking is also a trap. You spend your time focusing on what will be instead making the most of today this minute, Like the hymn "when we all get to heaven what a day of rejoicing that will be".
I want to learn to be happy today and not wish my life away for an end experience. Maybe the afterlife experiences calms those that fear death. Death doesn't scare me it is life that keeps me up at night. After my break I realized that making plans is purely for its entertainment value that counting on a script you produced in your own head will not end well.
Life is made up of a series of things to do each day and who you do those things with. A great deal of time is spent attending to boring chores or making money to purchase a nicer place to perform those boring chores. Okay that sounds a little sad.
In my business I create beautiful spaces that does enhance those living there. It is functional and where people that mostly love each other hang out and I hope make a meal together. It is worth it to invest in your space because a sad space will make you enjoy those chores even less.
I hope this post isn't too heavy it isn't meant to be I am just sorting things out over here. I plan on working on my house this weekend putting things in order and making plans. Ha ha.
Friday, September 28, 2018
Sunday, September 23, 2018
Inner Conficts - Finding my own way
I always seem to have some kind of inner conflict that my mind relishes spending hours and hours trying to resolve. In the early years the conflicts were based on small things and solving superficial problems I was facing every day but now that I have reached a point where I know 99% of the things we worry about are superficial and in a few weeks or even days they will be forgotten my mind like to work on the heavy issues.
On Sundays I like to watch church TV mostly either Joel or the church my sister is currently attending. It is a satellite church where they watch the preacher on screen. He seems pretty arrogant to me very charismatic and has a wide appeal. Today he said "the liberals are against us and are the enemy of Christians every where" that might not be exactly the words but the idea in general.
This made me mad. I thought you just lump everyone together and put a label on them so we have someone to be against. We are right and they are wrong. This is what drove me from the church of my childhood. This and the double standard that is if we do something wrong we just ask for forgiveness and all is well if you do something wrong then you are a sinner and God will make sure you get what is coming to you.
I consider myself liberal and have a few liberal friends that are kind of extreme and would say the same thing about evangelicals being the enemy. Again lumping everyone together is never a good idea.
I don't like organized religion for the most part. It mostly seems focused on money and giving in order to have God bless you. It is big business these days and even though the message does help inspire people it seems so much excess. The mention of giving at every opportunity weaving it into every sermon in some way.
The bottom line for me is that my christian family abandoned me in the name of Jesus. After my mother died my life wasn't valuable to my own dad or my stepmother. They were happy to spend their lives without me with no attempt to reconcile or even reach out to me. There is an evangelist in my own family and this morning he mentioned my dad and how much he counseled him. He of coarse has no idea the pain or conflict I have endured just trying to reconcile how I was treated by the Christians in my life and the God that is suppose to love me.
I will continue to feel conflicted until my mind finds acceptance. People are flawed and self centered and even though they call themselves Christians it doesn't mean they always act that way. I can trust that just like me they will have to find their own way. For me my own Christan upbringing gave me the foundation that helped me to make though the hard times and for this I am thankful.
Saturday, September 15, 2018
Friends - Change - Renovation
I have written a few post over the past few weeks but lost interest before I posted them. I am coming to the end of my renovation and this weekend I will be putting the house back together. The kitchen is beautiful. I still don't have gas because the gas man tripped over his dog and broke his foot. He gave me the name of another company where his sister in law works and they are going to squeeze me in on Monday.
I took a spontaneous trip over the long weekend to visit my childhood best friend. We have a long history including her mom letting me live in their garage when I left home. There was no room in the inn at that point. We were five adults, one kid, two large dogs and three cats living under one roof.
It was complicated with 5 vehicles parked in the drive way. I slept in the garage with the cats and the car it was heaven to me. I was free from the emotional roller coaster of living with my dad and my step mother who thought I existed as free labor. Leaving after my dad threatened to have me fired if I didn't quit my job and babysit full time so my step mother could go back to work.
My friends mom was at one time my own mother's best friend. Both of our families were Pentecostal but we didn't attend the same church. We lived on the same street but my friends mom was a person that focused on the bad things that were happening in the world. Instilling in my friend a lot of fear.
Her husband left her around the same time my mother died. He ran off with his secretary and my friend's mom never married again. She didn't let her fears keep her from living and some of her happiest times she spent playing piano at a inner city church for the homeless.
What I loved about her is that she always had a plan. When we were kids every Friday night the family drove to the park and had a picnic dinner. Anyone that wanted to come was welcome and this ritual continued even while I was living there. She was a godly woman who never remarried because she felt it was sin in gods eyes to divorce. She never tried to control her kids and I think my friend was the only one of her kids affected by her fearful side.
I always felt welcome there we all took care of ourselves and I bought my own food. I never wanted to be burden since she so generously let me stay there that summer. I was happy to be able to just live my life without being some one's Cinderella cleaning and babysitting.
My friend and I haven't been close for most of our adult lives. We are very different people she lived at home until she married in her 30's. She quit work to home school and raise her kids. They moved out to a rural area to get away from crime. So far out I thought something was wrong with my GPS.
I don't have any judgments about that everyone has to find there own happiness. When her kids were young and she had to be right about everything she tried to preach to me about my life. I had just met my ex and we were living in sin. Time has passed and we both know more and are less right about things. When her mother passed away I went and stayed with her. It seemed the same as always polar opposites just hanging out. We have history.
Our mothers were opposites too and so it seems appropriate that we are the same. Her kids are leaving the nest now and both her parents and the other woman have passed she is feeling a little lost without so many responsibilities. I think it is interesting that we are both the same people we were on the inside that we were when we were kids. We still fit the same way which is nice.
It feels like to me that we start out one way in life and we decide that we are going to be different or life circumstances change us. Then as we mature and relax we come back to the person we were when we were kids. We know none of our rigid thinking really matters and we live and let live.
I think my renovation represents what is going on inside of me mainly a fresh start mixed in with who I am at the core. My kitchen is simple and calm with a big splash of color. It isn't what I would do for a customer but it fits me and I love it.
I took a spontaneous trip over the long weekend to visit my childhood best friend. We have a long history including her mom letting me live in their garage when I left home. There was no room in the inn at that point. We were five adults, one kid, two large dogs and three cats living under one roof.
It was complicated with 5 vehicles parked in the drive way. I slept in the garage with the cats and the car it was heaven to me. I was free from the emotional roller coaster of living with my dad and my step mother who thought I existed as free labor. Leaving after my dad threatened to have me fired if I didn't quit my job and babysit full time so my step mother could go back to work.
My friends mom was at one time my own mother's best friend. Both of our families were Pentecostal but we didn't attend the same church. We lived on the same street but my friends mom was a person that focused on the bad things that were happening in the world. Instilling in my friend a lot of fear.
Her husband left her around the same time my mother died. He ran off with his secretary and my friend's mom never married again. She didn't let her fears keep her from living and some of her happiest times she spent playing piano at a inner city church for the homeless.
What I loved about her is that she always had a plan. When we were kids every Friday night the family drove to the park and had a picnic dinner. Anyone that wanted to come was welcome and this ritual continued even while I was living there. She was a godly woman who never remarried because she felt it was sin in gods eyes to divorce. She never tried to control her kids and I think my friend was the only one of her kids affected by her fearful side.
I always felt welcome there we all took care of ourselves and I bought my own food. I never wanted to be burden since she so generously let me stay there that summer. I was happy to be able to just live my life without being some one's Cinderella cleaning and babysitting.
My friend and I haven't been close for most of our adult lives. We are very different people she lived at home until she married in her 30's. She quit work to home school and raise her kids. They moved out to a rural area to get away from crime. So far out I thought something was wrong with my GPS.
I don't have any judgments about that everyone has to find there own happiness. When her kids were young and she had to be right about everything she tried to preach to me about my life. I had just met my ex and we were living in sin. Time has passed and we both know more and are less right about things. When her mother passed away I went and stayed with her. It seemed the same as always polar opposites just hanging out. We have history.
Our mothers were opposites too and so it seems appropriate that we are the same. Her kids are leaving the nest now and both her parents and the other woman have passed she is feeling a little lost without so many responsibilities. I think it is interesting that we are both the same people we were on the inside that we were when we were kids. We still fit the same way which is nice.
It feels like to me that we start out one way in life and we decide that we are going to be different or life circumstances change us. Then as we mature and relax we come back to the person we were when we were kids. We know none of our rigid thinking really matters and we live and let live.
I think my renovation represents what is going on inside of me mainly a fresh start mixed in with who I am at the core. My kitchen is simple and calm with a big splash of color. It isn't what I would do for a customer but it fits me and I love it.
Monday, August 27, 2018
shooting - guarding our minds
Another shooting in the news it is disturbing that it is just becoming a normal event in the news. I think many things can cause a society to turn to violence to solve problems. We pretend that violence on TV or games or even by police doesn't really send the message that this is how to resolve conflict.
I also don't think you can stop someone who has no regard for their own life from taking as many people with them as they can. I do think between the time they become angry and the time they take action a lot of thoughts pass through their brain. Somewhere they have gotten the idea that this is the only solution. They should get what they want at any cost. Where does this idea come from?
I recently watched a magician follow a guy all day as he went about his normal errands. Each stop he either played a certain song or had someone in the store whistle the same song. At the end of the day as part of the magic act he said "think of a song but don't tell me what it is" then he had the band from the restaurant come outside and play that very song. The guy couldn't believe it.
My point is that our minds are constantly absorbing what is around us. I think that we need to guard what we casually listen to or watch. The advertisers have known this since the beginning even going as far as subliminal text during commercials. We can't ignore what is being fed to us every minute.
Today everything is instant gratification. We don't want to wait 3 seconds for something to come up on our phone. This is setting us up for major life conflicts. When things don't go our way we can't deal with disappointment. Combine this with the testosterone and ego and it won't end well.
I didn't know about the shooting until my cousin called me to let me know. I select what I watch for my own peace of mind. For me knowing bad things are happening doesn't change anything. It just plants a seed that life is not safe. The truth is life is not safe but living in fear doesn't make it any safer it just ruins every minute living in fear.
I also don't think you can stop someone who has no regard for their own life from taking as many people with them as they can. I do think between the time they become angry and the time they take action a lot of thoughts pass through their brain. Somewhere they have gotten the idea that this is the only solution. They should get what they want at any cost. Where does this idea come from?
I recently watched a magician follow a guy all day as he went about his normal errands. Each stop he either played a certain song or had someone in the store whistle the same song. At the end of the day as part of the magic act he said "think of a song but don't tell me what it is" then he had the band from the restaurant come outside and play that very song. The guy couldn't believe it.
My point is that our minds are constantly absorbing what is around us. I think that we need to guard what we casually listen to or watch. The advertisers have known this since the beginning even going as far as subliminal text during commercials. We can't ignore what is being fed to us every minute.
Today everything is instant gratification. We don't want to wait 3 seconds for something to come up on our phone. This is setting us up for major life conflicts. When things don't go our way we can't deal with disappointment. Combine this with the testosterone and ego and it won't end well.
I didn't know about the shooting until my cousin called me to let me know. I select what I watch for my own peace of mind. For me knowing bad things are happening doesn't change anything. It just plants a seed that life is not safe. The truth is life is not safe but living in fear doesn't make it any safer it just ruins every minute living in fear.
Friday, August 17, 2018
When the dust settles - Not making plans
We are heading for the home stretch with the remodel. Everything in my house is covered with a fine layer of drywall. I have decided to just wait and not try to clean until literally the dust settles. My last remodel at my other house I was in my thirties and had specific ideas about how everything should be done and how long it should take. I cleaned everyday only to find the dust there the next morning. I was a perfectionist and this set me up for a lot of disappointments and drove the people around me nuts.
This time lets say I am "more seasoned". Back then I had lost my corporate job and gone back to school. In my mind I was being supported by someone else and was trying to find my identity while earning my keep. This was pressure I was putting on myself to prove I was valuable for all that I brought to the table.
The thing I have learned is that even if you bring nothing to the table you are still valuable. You may not meet your own expectations or be popular with the people around you but you are still a human being and here on the planet and are valuable.
It is true that if you do more and be more you will have more friends and you will have a higher opinion of yourself but in the end this is just the ego getting fed. It sometimes leads us to look at other people as less valuable than ourselves or the groups that we belong to. We are special and they are not we are right and they are wrong.
It is a real trap. I think we do this so we feel safe and belong. If we do the right things with the right people then we are somehow insulated from the bad things or people out there that can hurt us. Even the idea of the after life is a safety net in case we lose someone we love or something goes wrong we can know that it will all work out in the end. I don't think we could survive without these ideas.
For myself I am focusing on today and the people that are a part of my life today this moment. The grand scheme in our heads is really just a distraction. My mind loves this kind of entertainment. The planning and scheming of my pretend future. I will have a future but it probably won't match the one in my head exactly. I have to ask myself "what am I missing today by making those plans?"
You can make plans but it is the actual act of making those plans that is enjoyable and not depending on the outcome to make you happy. Putting my happiness in the hands of a specific outcome can set me up for serious pain, Life doesn't have a plan just us. Be happy today and don't look to some future day to be happy.
I knew this remodel would not make me happy. Yes even when it is done I will love it but then my mind will be on to something else. I have enjoyed the planning and meeting the different workers coming in the house but when the dust settles I will be left with myself and what is next.
This time lets say I am "more seasoned". Back then I had lost my corporate job and gone back to school. In my mind I was being supported by someone else and was trying to find my identity while earning my keep. This was pressure I was putting on myself to prove I was valuable for all that I brought to the table.
The thing I have learned is that even if you bring nothing to the table you are still valuable. You may not meet your own expectations or be popular with the people around you but you are still a human being and here on the planet and are valuable.
It is true that if you do more and be more you will have more friends and you will have a higher opinion of yourself but in the end this is just the ego getting fed. It sometimes leads us to look at other people as less valuable than ourselves or the groups that we belong to. We are special and they are not we are right and they are wrong.
It is a real trap. I think we do this so we feel safe and belong. If we do the right things with the right people then we are somehow insulated from the bad things or people out there that can hurt us. Even the idea of the after life is a safety net in case we lose someone we love or something goes wrong we can know that it will all work out in the end. I don't think we could survive without these ideas.
For myself I am focusing on today and the people that are a part of my life today this moment. The grand scheme in our heads is really just a distraction. My mind loves this kind of entertainment. The planning and scheming of my pretend future. I will have a future but it probably won't match the one in my head exactly. I have to ask myself "what am I missing today by making those plans?"
You can make plans but it is the actual act of making those plans that is enjoyable and not depending on the outcome to make you happy. Putting my happiness in the hands of a specific outcome can set me up for serious pain, Life doesn't have a plan just us. Be happy today and don't look to some future day to be happy.
I knew this remodel would not make me happy. Yes even when it is done I will love it but then my mind will be on to something else. I have enjoyed the planning and meeting the different workers coming in the house but when the dust settles I will be left with myself and what is next.
Monday, July 30, 2018
Angry People - Seeing our true selves - Impossible
I had my house re plumbed on short notice this past week. It was one of those decision where I could wait for some point in the future when the slab started leaking or do it now while the house is a mess already. I decided to just do it while the plumber had an opening.
It has been a week of chaos with all the trades in and out of the house. It is noisy and dirty but everyone did a great job. The first day with the plumbers the guy was yelling up to the other guy in the attic in this really angry voice. He sounded so annoyed and really treated the other guy like he was and idiot. The guy in the 100+ degree attic was very pleasant and would answer back as if no that was the norm. They have worked together a long time and this was normal.
On Saturday our electrician was here and he ask me who the plumbing company sent. I could remember their names an angry guy and a tall thin guy. He said "oh the angry guy is ____ and the other guy is _________."
I have always been a people observer and wondered why others act the way they do. One time, when I was a kid, after a particular holy rolling pentecostal service I ask my mother why one of the women in the church was faking pretending to be touched by the spirit. She looked at my father and they waited a few minutes and then said "only God knows if she is pretending." I thought "it is pretty obvious so I guess just God and me." This began a lifetime of me saying the wrong things to other people.
After my stepmother came on the scene I did learn to say nothing most of the time. When I married the alcoholic keeping quiet seemed safer most of the time. I did once confront my ex's sister a particularly angry person and ask her "why are you so angry?" She was like the plumber - no matter what the words were coming out of her mouth there was anger underneath.
She had a lovely angry come back for me which I don't remember now. I knew it was about her own father I totally understood that I had been there myself. I just said "it doesn't hurt the person that you are angry at just you and your own family. He is winning." Her kids were small then and over time she softened and with every visit she seemed happier. I would like to think I got through a little bit. My ex was furious with me and said it was none of my business but I wanted to save her from the years of unhappiness that I had experienced.
I internalize my own anger and it surfaces as sadness and depression. Mostly because I am a controller and feel that I should have done something differently so the outcome in really my fault. Instead of just saying the other person hurt me and let the anger out. I try to justify the reasons for their actions and be understanding about where they are coming from. This is really putting myself last again. I feel trapped in this cycle sometimes because it makes me powerless to get past the pain.
I have endured a lot of crappy behavior from other people in my life. I have mostly believed that somehow I deserved it that something about me isn't worthy of love and respect. When I am low this is what I think about. In the end I know that I have to be loving to myself and not tie my worth to my past experiences. Thinking "I am not enough" or "I wasn't enough for ________" keeps me from feeling joy about today.
I do believe that this deeply embedded insecurity has to do with the loss of my mother. It imprinted on me that I have to be self sufficient and not trust another person to be there for me. It is from when my mother got sick and I had to fend for myself. I am comfortable on my own and when I have trusted other people they have ultimately rejected me.
Most of time I can accept where I am and do find happiness every day but when I am down and feel lonely these are the thoughts that cause my unhappiness. I tell myself I can change these beliefs that I have about myself but some days it is just where I am.
As far as angry people I doubt they know that other people see them as angry. We never know how other people perseive us. We have the story we tell ourselves about ourselves and unless someone says something to us to make us question our thoughts then it is a lifetime of suffering. I have been a hurt child on my own most of my life with only myself for feedback. Isn't that crazy.
It has been a week of chaos with all the trades in and out of the house. It is noisy and dirty but everyone did a great job. The first day with the plumbers the guy was yelling up to the other guy in the attic in this really angry voice. He sounded so annoyed and really treated the other guy like he was and idiot. The guy in the 100+ degree attic was very pleasant and would answer back as if no that was the norm. They have worked together a long time and this was normal.
On Saturday our electrician was here and he ask me who the plumbing company sent. I could remember their names an angry guy and a tall thin guy. He said "oh the angry guy is ____ and the other guy is _________."
I have always been a people observer and wondered why others act the way they do. One time, when I was a kid, after a particular holy rolling pentecostal service I ask my mother why one of the women in the church was faking pretending to be touched by the spirit. She looked at my father and they waited a few minutes and then said "only God knows if she is pretending." I thought "it is pretty obvious so I guess just God and me." This began a lifetime of me saying the wrong things to other people.
After my stepmother came on the scene I did learn to say nothing most of the time. When I married the alcoholic keeping quiet seemed safer most of the time. I did once confront my ex's sister a particularly angry person and ask her "why are you so angry?" She was like the plumber - no matter what the words were coming out of her mouth there was anger underneath.
She had a lovely angry come back for me which I don't remember now. I knew it was about her own father I totally understood that I had been there myself. I just said "it doesn't hurt the person that you are angry at just you and your own family. He is winning." Her kids were small then and over time she softened and with every visit she seemed happier. I would like to think I got through a little bit. My ex was furious with me and said it was none of my business but I wanted to save her from the years of unhappiness that I had experienced.
I internalize my own anger and it surfaces as sadness and depression. Mostly because I am a controller and feel that I should have done something differently so the outcome in really my fault. Instead of just saying the other person hurt me and let the anger out. I try to justify the reasons for their actions and be understanding about where they are coming from. This is really putting myself last again. I feel trapped in this cycle sometimes because it makes me powerless to get past the pain.
I have endured a lot of crappy behavior from other people in my life. I have mostly believed that somehow I deserved it that something about me isn't worthy of love and respect. When I am low this is what I think about. In the end I know that I have to be loving to myself and not tie my worth to my past experiences. Thinking "I am not enough" or "I wasn't enough for ________" keeps me from feeling joy about today.
I do believe that this deeply embedded insecurity has to do with the loss of my mother. It imprinted on me that I have to be self sufficient and not trust another person to be there for me. It is from when my mother got sick and I had to fend for myself. I am comfortable on my own and when I have trusted other people they have ultimately rejected me.
Most of time I can accept where I am and do find happiness every day but when I am down and feel lonely these are the thoughts that cause my unhappiness. I tell myself I can change these beliefs that I have about myself but some days it is just where I am.
As far as angry people I doubt they know that other people see them as angry. We never know how other people perseive us. We have the story we tell ourselves about ourselves and unless someone says something to us to make us question our thoughts then it is a lifetime of suffering. I have been a hurt child on my own most of my life with only myself for feedback. Isn't that crazy.
Saturday, July 21, 2018
Making plans - Spinning Plates
I should have never had the idea of taking it easy in the month of July. The universe shouted right back at me with more work than I could have imagined along with my renovation this has left me little time for anything but sleep.
I am not complaining I just think is is comical when you plan one thing and something totally different happens. This is where we get really messed up believing that we really have any control of our lives. To have a plan is definitely the way to feel safe setting out on our path with a specific goal or destination and expecting things will go our way. How we react when obstacles start popping up one by one testing our every movement forward is what really matters.
The pain is in the resistance of course not in the actual problems that arise. For me my pain is not being able to meet what I think are the expectations of others. Especially in my work you have to decide who is serious and who is just poking around the idea of doing something.
I feel mostly like I am gambling with my time and in the end my money. Who should I invest in and who has been watching too much HGTV. Business comes in clumps not a steady even stream where I have the time to address first come first serve. You have to make those choices and I hate that part but I only have 24 hours in each day.
It stresses me out when I have to choose what I can fit into the time I have available in a given day. Sometimes working on what I sense is a dead end instead of bigger more long term projects. Why would I do that? Because I am getting pressure and in order to move on I have to relieve that pressure.
I have gotten use to working like this over the years and once I have all my plates spinning I can really get a lot done. This why time away isn't good for me when I return I am resistant to people hurtling plates at me and I have resentments. Eventually I get back up to full speed and it all seems normal again.
What works for me is first not really making plans. I have specific loose goals for the day and I do my best to meet them. I tell myself that I have always worked this way and for the most part I can trust my instinct and I will get it all done. If I don't then it wasn't meant to be and I move on.
I have ask other people in my business how they deal with it and they say there is no way to meet every one's needs all the time. I am lucky that I enjoy what I do and I don't have a lot of personal commitments so I can put in the hours.
It is good to put into words that it is okay to feel overwhelmed from time to time and that it all works out if you just don't make plans.
I am not complaining I just think is is comical when you plan one thing and something totally different happens. This is where we get really messed up believing that we really have any control of our lives. To have a plan is definitely the way to feel safe setting out on our path with a specific goal or destination and expecting things will go our way. How we react when obstacles start popping up one by one testing our every movement forward is what really matters.
The pain is in the resistance of course not in the actual problems that arise. For me my pain is not being able to meet what I think are the expectations of others. Especially in my work you have to decide who is serious and who is just poking around the idea of doing something.
I feel mostly like I am gambling with my time and in the end my money. Who should I invest in and who has been watching too much HGTV. Business comes in clumps not a steady even stream where I have the time to address first come first serve. You have to make those choices and I hate that part but I only have 24 hours in each day.
It stresses me out when I have to choose what I can fit into the time I have available in a given day. Sometimes working on what I sense is a dead end instead of bigger more long term projects. Why would I do that? Because I am getting pressure and in order to move on I have to relieve that pressure.
I have gotten use to working like this over the years and once I have all my plates spinning I can really get a lot done. This why time away isn't good for me when I return I am resistant to people hurtling plates at me and I have resentments. Eventually I get back up to full speed and it all seems normal again.
What works for me is first not really making plans. I have specific loose goals for the day and I do my best to meet them. I tell myself that I have always worked this way and for the most part I can trust my instinct and I will get it all done. If I don't then it wasn't meant to be and I move on.
I have ask other people in my business how they deal with it and they say there is no way to meet every one's needs all the time. I am lucky that I enjoy what I do and I don't have a lot of personal commitments so I can put in the hours.
It is good to put into words that it is okay to feel overwhelmed from time to time and that it all works out if you just don't make plans.
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