Thursday, October 25, 2012
Being single and living alone leaves me many hours of time to fill. I use to just sign up for anything and everything to keep from dealing with the fear an emptiness that I was facing when I was alone. I finally burned myself out and was forced to stop and look at the truth. This is my life now. No it isn't what I expected it would be but nevertheless here I am alone with nothing but an open road ahead of me.
I never really had an idea of what my life would be like but it wasn't this. I look around and see no one that I would like to trade places with. So now the question is what should I do with the rest of my life?
It will be five years Thanksgiving since the end of my last relationship. I have learned a lot and really have grown up for this first time in my life. I have stopped expecting other people to fill the void within me and validate my very existence. I am not blaming anyone for how I feel anymore.
I realize now that the blaming game took up a huge chunk of my life and without it I have endless amounts of free time. This can be good if you are a doer and bad if you are a thinker.
At night when I am alone I think too much and wonder just how did I end up where I am and if this is really God's plan for me. During the daylight hours work distracts me and I feel grateful that I am not where I once was and that I have choices even if I feel lonely some times.