I am at another cross roads in my life and I would like for someone to tell me exactly what I should do to have things turn out exactly the way I want them to even if I am not sure what it is that I want.
That pretty much sums it up for me. On my best days I am happy and not fearful of the future and on my worst days I want to crawl into bed an pull the covers over my head. I sometimes tell myself you are a powerful person and you can do anything you want with the help of your higher power.
Other times my mind reviews all of the mistakes I have made and I think about how crazy I have been these past years and what if I will never be the person I used to be. Maybe I am all washed up and now what am I suppose to do?
Do I really want to be the person I use to be?
The pendulum swings from one extreme to another and I keep regurgitating my insecurity to other people hoping they will somehow sooth this never ending fear I have that this won't work out. The this I a referring to is my life.
Step Three - Made a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care as we understand him.
I never really do this on the big stuff until I have driven myself nuts. I have to exhaust my mortal options before I consider that I am not in this alone and that maybe someone out there loves me. I have been taken care of before I can't name one situation where the ultimate result wasn't better than I could have imagined.
Does this fact calm me or make me feel better when I am about to take a big leap into the unknown. Absolutely not. I get stuck in "I need more information" or worst trying to get the opinion of my friends (which are totally sick of hearing me stuck) I know this because they have told me.
Why must I torture myself with indecision forever before making a decision? I don't know. Actually I do know it is because I might make a mistake and end up worse off than I am now.
The only decision I need to make is the one in Step Three. I think I am ready now to let go again.