Monday, August 19, 2013

Boot Camp - Being new
I feel like I have signed up for design boot camp.  I am super busy and exhausted to the point of being punchy. It feels good to be really busy but my mind is so stimulated that I have entered that manic phase.

I spent the day alone with myself yesterday just trying to wind down from turning my world upside down.

I have run into some big personalities at my new place. Someone complained about me asking them questions. She told me that they weren't training me very well and I said " as far as I know no one is officially training me and the best I could do is ask people questions when I don't know something."

Because I own my own business and have done this for 10 years I expect they assume I will figure things out for myself which is true.   It is the products and procedures that I don't know. My first morning I couldn't even figure out how to turn my office lights on. This might be a theme for me no lights in my office.

I already feel more at home there than I do here so that is good. My customers here are starting to come out of the woodwork now that I am leaving. It seems the universe is thumbing her nose at me saying see you acted too quickly. I do feel like a quitter some days but mostly I am too busy to think about it.

I am happy to be older and to have experience with failure. When you have failed not being perfect is a lot easier.  I am okay not knowing what I am doing a lot of the time. I am the new person after all and it only bothers me a little that that woman complained about me. She in the office next to mine and I will surely be asking more questions.

I don't look at life the way I use to and my spiritual melt down taught me that not too many things are really that important. I will do my best but I am not willing to play the game anymore. I am really just not that interested. I know where people are coming from because I use to be there.  I took life so personall I was a victim and thought it was other peoples job to make me feel good about myself. They really weren't that interested.

Today I will focus on today and tomorrow I will be back in boot camp up to my eye balls in things I don't know. In time it will be routine and I will be bored so for now I will just enjoy the ride and try not to take myself too seriously.

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