Saturday, August 10, 2013

Just me - Just today - Living without a story

I am at the old office today. It feels weird being here. I met with my final customer and told them I was leaving. They said they would follow me where ever I went. How nice.

I am feeling good about moving on. My ego has shut up about the selling out thing. Who cares everything is exactly as it should be. I can change my mind and do something different at anytime.

I am letting go of the story in my head. The one that included a long relationship with my partner and building a stumbling business into a thriving business. It was mostly in my head and not likely to ever turn out that way in real life.

If I could tell anyone the one thing that has changed my life the most it would be this. Give up your story. The story in you head of how things should have been and the story in your head of how things should be. It didn't happen  and will never happen exactly the way you thought it would or should so you got to get over it.

We suffer because real life never matches the stories we have in our head. This is why we never see things as they are and are devastated when something doesn't work out. Life isn't like the movies or at least the ones where everything goes as planned.

I went into deep depression because my life didn't match the story in head. What was worse is the years it did kind of match I was miserable too. When I realized I had no idea what would make me happy since it wasn't what I thought would make me happy my mind totally froze.

I couldn't move on because I was afraid and wasn't sure which way to go. I stayed stuck afraid I was going to make a mistake.

The depression lifted. What changed is I finally accepted that I knew nothing. I stopped pretending to know what I needed to do to make myself happy. I sat there for as long as it took. I was no longer the person I imagined I was or would be in the future. I let go of the idea that I would ever be the person I was again.

Pretty bleak stuff, I know, I was living it.

I don't know anything. That is what saved my life. I accepted that it was beyond my power to be any where but where I was for as long as it took. I had to stop caring about how long it was going to take to get better.

Today I am free because my happiness doesn't depend on whether real life matches the story in my head. I try not to have a story and if I do I try not to make my happiness dependant upon it. My story today is more flexible and can be adjusted on a day by day basis.

I have boiled my story down to just me just today.


  1. Hi Grace,

    Thank you for sharing this with us. Coming to a place of self acceptance, "just me," seems to be difficult painful process for many of us. Letting go of the story in my head, my expectations, is such an on-going process. I expect it will be a life time of work.

    You wrote "Pretty bleak stuff, I know, I was living it." Bleak but powerful stuff. Someone wrote that it is our own pain that finally moves us further down our journey, as it has yours.

    I am moved by your post, it is inspirational. Thank again.