Sunday, April 5, 2015

Feeling Great = Resistance - Surrender

Feeling great is something that I am always in search of and on the occasion that I find it I try to analyze and re-create the circumstance that led me to feeling this way. When I am sad or depressed I do the same thing I try to figure out what made me take the dip and how to avoid it the next time.

This is a tiresome rotation that seems natural and logical in the real world but for me I find it does more harm than good. I find myself saying to myself  "I don't want to be this person" the person that feels out of control and unlikeable mostly to myself.

As I move further into freedom from these traps of the past I can see it is this pattern of thinking that causes just about all of my pain and suffering. Not to mention the time I have spent thinking about how to feel one thing and not the other.

This week I made a mistake and some cabinets had to be reordered. When I found out about it I was crushed I didn't want to be the person that made this mistake. I didn't want to feel this way and I didn't want this idea that I have about myself, that I am good at what I do, to be tarnished either.

I squirmed around with this feeling for the whole day. I thought what will the customer think of me? Then I realized this was just in my mind and that this kind of resistance was not helping. I realized I didn't want to be where I was and I was scrambling, only in my mind, to get away.

Making a mistake touched some part of me that is convinced that I not good at anything. This is proof positive. Right? How old is this story?

It is hard to recognize the story we have about ourselves it has been there a long time. I feel freer than I ever have these days to live in the moment and not have a story at all. I see that withou my story I can surrender and all those judgements I have about myself fall away. They are just thoughts not reality.

I called my customer and she was totally okay with everything and said "these things happen" I wanted to defend myself and say this doesn't normally happen to me but I didn't. I let it go.

When I can relax into what is and not grasp onto just the good feelings and push back anything that doesn't feel good I can be free from the desperation, that all this wanting something different, makes me feel. I can move on to the next thing and enjoy the silence in my head. OK it is never completely silent.


  1. Sorry to have been away from here for so long. Yes, I understand what you write so well. I have found that my projecting the rejection stuff is what I need to watch out for. I can go to that place almost immediately. And yet, I don't know the intentions or motives of others. Thanks for the reminder to trust my HP and not project my baggage into a situation.

  2. Spot-on! I also get those self-recriminating feelings. And when they take hold, they are soooo hard to break. Yet facing it, dealing with it immediately, is hardly ever as bad as we thought it would be, and you get the chance to move on so much quicker. Thank you for this perfect reminder. Good Going!

  3. Thank you Grace. Something I needed to hear this morning. May we all learn how to be our own best friend instead of worst enemy. May we all talk to ourselves as kindly as we talk to most others. Have a great day♥