I am not sure what I will write about tonight I am spent for the week with one day left to go. I guess I can tell you that I have found a little project to get excited about I am planting a big flower bed in my front yard. The grass is half dead and the price was too steep for me to plant new grass. For a third of the cost I am going to have a spectacular show of something.
I am waking up just like mother nature I can feel it. I am starting to live life not just tolerate it. It feels really weird to just do normal things like work and complain about my co-workers just like everyone else does. I can then come home at the end of the day and put my feet up. I can even plant a flower bed in my front yard.
Your not really sure just how crazy you are until your not anymore. That is how it has worked for me. I wasn't making it at all and then barely getting through and then a leveling off occurred that turned into tolerance. I was tolerating life and feeling guilty the whole time. I felt like life was wasted on me but I just kept going. Who feels like that? Your suppose to have a zest for life.
I haven't quite made it to zest yet and I hope that who ever is in charge isn't planning to take me out soon because of my lack of enthusiasm for this world I guess I will have to wait and see.
I am just happy to get further and further away from where I was and if it takes a flower bed to inspire me then I am happy to do some digging for real instead of emotionally or spiritually.
I am waking up and missing my old life when I had someone to come home to and a family even if it wasn't really mine. I was good a loving and nurturing and making the world run smoothly for other people but without an audience my talents seem to have faded away. Can I do this for just me?
I feel well today and ready to begin again. Today it doesn't matter that I am alone I feel good and ready to start planting something new. Maybe I can make my life into some kind of flower bed.