I am experiencing grief today. It is a familiar feeling to me it is when you lose someone or something that you really thought had a lot of possibilities. You spend a lot of time imagining how reality will match this dream in your head and everyone will live happily ever after. You surround yourself only with people that agree with you to protect you from the idea that there was any other outcome.
I have done this many times. When I was really sick I couldn't accept the reality and lived in denial until the pain of reality was so excruciating that I was down on the ground. This took time sometimes months sometimes year. I would just there until I just couldn't stand it anymore and accepted my loss and moved on.
I gave myself permission to grieve just for today. Tomorrow I will take the wait and see attitude because ultimately things work out even if it isn't the way I imagined it would. I can trust that there is always forward motion even if I have to accept three steps forward and two steps back.