I spent the day alone yesterday after a full work week and then a preparing a dinner on Friday night for my best friends birthday I was exhausted. I am glad thatI am busy at work and it hasn't given me too much time to think about the election but last night YouTube queued up a video of a preacher talking about the moon event tomorrow night.
The moon will be the closest it has been to the earth in seventy years. About the predictions in the Bible and I have to admit this really took me back to my childhood and my grandmothers stories about the end of times. I turned it off as soon as I heard where he was going. I woke up fearful this morning and haven't really been able to shake it.
When I was about five I would regularly go outside and look for the coming of Jesus. We talked about it all the time and to a five year old it was a pretty big deal. One night I went out and there was a bright light in the sky bigger than I had ever seen. I ran back in the house told my dad that I thought Jesus was coming that night. He followed me out and we looked at the light together and he explained to me that it was just a spot light from a local grand opening.
I was disappointed but still kept up my nightly vigil wanting to be first to see him coming. We moved shortly after that to the suburbs where there was a lot of other things to distract me. As I grew older I realized that people have been waiting a long time for him to come again and it was doubtful he would show up just for me.
Over the years I have merged my fundamentalist beliefs with what I have learned through my own spiritual quest. I discarded God all together in my twenties figuring I couldn't every live up to the perfection that was required to make it to heaven. We don't believe once saved always saved. We believe if you sin and your life ends then you are headed to the lake of fire.
This is a lot of pressure and after seeing my family for the wedding I realized that no one today seems worried about that anymore. It is all too much really to live in that state. I remember as a child praying "God forgive me of any sin that I might have committed even if I didn't know it was a sin" I thought that this covered all the bases. This was probably around the same time I was looking for Jesus every night.
Today I am forgiven by a loving God that is there to guide me. I have done my best and I am not worried about the things that might be sins that I don't know about. I try to be loving and compassionate and know everyone is doing there best even if it isn't good enough for me. It is all they have at that moment.
When the big moon comes and goes I will have to trust that life will go on and we will have to make our way through this time of division in our country.