Wednesday, November 23, 2016

When people leave

It is the eve of Thanksgiving and I wondered whether I should write about the past.  Does writing about it give it more power over me or show me that there is more work for me to do? I am not sure we shall see what comes out here on this page.

I have had two major adult relationships the first lasting almost a decade and the other over a decade. Both of these relationships ended abruptly on Thanksgiving.  Technically not on Thanksgiving one the day before and the other the day after.  I think it is safe to lump them under the overall heading of "Thanksgiving" either way.

Your never prepared for the moment when the person you expect to spend the rest of your life says "I don't love you anymore" together with "I love someone else".  The world stops at that moment and something else begins.  The we ends and the me begins and the question of who I might be without this person. Somehow getting ready for 20 people coming for dinner the next day seems like a cruel joke. Just for the record I canceled the dinner and never cleaned that kitchen again.

What timing both my ex's had for their departure or in the second incidence my own departure. The second time I didn't go quietly into the night and I didn't beg like I did the first time. I knew more I knew the look that you can see is some one's eyes that they have moved on and that you are standing between them and a lifetime of happiness. The first time I was only told "I don't love you anymore" so I believed there was hope. (seriously)  If I had heard the second part "I love someone else" I would have moved on more quickly.  The truth might have set me free.

The good news is that I have gotten over it and even though this holiday will never be one I am really thankful for it isn't one that triggers the side of me that blames me for what happened in both cases.

People leave.  They start leaving way before they pack there bags or make you pack your bags.  At least that is my experience. I always thought that couples had problems and when you did you would sit down and talk about them and then get professional help. That seems like the mature thing to do. Right?

They were both brilliant people but not too emotionally mature and honestly neither was I.  I picked them because they fit me for that time in my life and frankly I can't imagine still being with them. I have worked hard to address my own immature thinking and I have stopped looking for another person to determine my worth.

This wasn't an easy post to write but it is the truth about Thanksgiving for me.  I am more me than I have ever been.  I have found the strength to be myself even if right now that means I am alone.  I am thankful tonight that I am not where I use to be and I am grateful to the people that have left.

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