Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Filling and killing time
Acceptance is place I want to be these days but I can't seem to get there. The angst I feel has to do with thinking I should be somewhere else other than where I am now in my life.
Isn't this an age old human problem, never being satisfied. It is a luxury I know. If I had to spend my days hunting and gathering I would be too tired to think about what is lacking in my life. But with a protein bar in my stomach and work piling up on my desk I am taking this moment to feel unsatisfied with where I am in my life.
I know this is a time of thanksgiving and gratitude but I am just not there. I really don't want to make a gratitude list or think of all the hungry people in the world. Please don't tell me I need a gratitude meeting.
Don't get me wrong I have am thankful for a lot of things. But I am restless right now and nothing seems to sooth my spirit. Is it because at this time of year everybody seems to have a plan. I use to be the plan maker but I gave up and for that I am grateful. Ok, maybe I should start a a gratitude list. Yuck.
So I am drifting and waiting for these feelings to pass. My greatest fear is they won't and I will feel like this forever. I know I will get over it it is just that time of year for me.
My friend says just accept that I am going to feel crappy until this month is over and she is probably right. So I am riding it out and trying not to take my feelings too seriously.