Sunday, June 10, 2012

Awareness Acceptance Action

I wanted write about acceptance today but I just opened and email from someone we have been working with this past year and I am boiling. When times were tough we all worked together and have made it through what seemed like the initial crises and now he is feeling like he is doing us a favor by working with us.

I have a  pretty level disposition and don't get mad too often but I am really mad at this moment. I did fire off and email back. I didn't say too much just that I was disappointed that he has so quickly forgotten the past year.

I think just sitting here I have moved through awareness, acceptance and action.  I am fully aware, that is for sure and we did without him before so we can do it again that is acceptance and finally we can surely take this as an opportunity to find someone that wants our business.

I can't get over how mad I am right this minute. It feels good to have awakened from my slumber over the past years but now I can see all too clearly the way things are and not how I wish them to be.

I am feeling like my old self before my life changed so drastically so quickly. I am getting my confidence back and  I am ready to get to the business of running my life instead of it running me.

It took a long time to come back this time and at times I did not think I was coming back or even wanted to come back. Everything was too hard and I was alone and scared and wasn't able to find the person I had been before. The person inside that would tell me "you can do this" and list all my successes.  I only could see the stream of failures with relationships and jobs.

I couldn't do it I couldn't go on. I couldn't help myself. You could label it as depression or menopause whatever. Labeling doesn't really do it justice. I prefer to label it the evolution of me. I apparently had to go through this to become who I am today. Really it feels like I have had an alien living in my body for the past four years and the mother ship came back and now I am back to myself.

I have calmed down now. It is actually a good thing. It has made me see I need to get busy making things happen for us at work. I wasn't ready to face the task at hand it seemed too overwhelming.

I am ready for action now and I am actually looking forward to making things happen.

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