Friday, July 6, 2012
Everything is changing - Awesome Chocolate Cake
I am getting on with my life. Looking and what needs to be done and making plans for my future.
Work has been busy with many hours of computer time and no energy or eyes left to write here. I spent the 4th at a friends house with her neighbors. Three teenage boys with $500 bucks of fireworks it was really quite spectacular. It was a good change for me to be with people that don't really know me or my have any idea I have been half (more than half) out of my mind for a really long time. How refreshing. I made them laugh a few times. Imagine that me making someone laugh. I remember now I use to be funny.
Of course the friend that invited me knows all too well where I have been. Once we went shopping at an antique mall and I just sat down completely incapacitated. After that I didn't see her for about 6 months. She said she felt helpless and just couldn't be around me. I could relate I felt helpless and couldn't be around myself. No where to go.
Lately I have been looking at every part of my life. Starting with my physical space and seeing what needs to be done and where to begin. I am actually want a future now.
Recently in my busy state suddenly I will just stop and think about how normal I feel. This brings tears to my eyes tears of joy. I am taking care of myself again and happy to do it. I am buying and cooking food. I made an awesome (my new favorite word) chocolate cake for the 4th.
For those out there that are dealing with grief and loss or menopause. To me these are basically the same things. I am here to tell you that there is relief and freedom somewhere down the road. One day you will just wake up and wonder where you have been.